


Hypnotize Me

by larry_love13



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Blow Jobs, Cussing, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Humor, Hypnosis, M/M, Pining, Smoking, Smut, but i hope ya'll like it, is that a tag?, it should be, shitty life, this one is weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:00:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2521667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_love13/pseuds/larry_love13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Harry uses hypnosis to try to quit smoking and gets more than he bargained for but that's just one more indication that his life is just a big fat mess.  Louis shows up in the weirdest places, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I got this idea for a fic and I had to start writing even though I'm still not finished with my 75+K fic "Change My Mind". Thank you for reading, my lovelies! xx

Harry took a long drag out of his fourth-or was it his fifth?-cigarette of the morning, which it still technically was because it was only 11.30 am.  As he took to swallow the sweet, calming smoke, his colleague, Niall Horan, delivered the punch line on the story he’d been telling for the past ten minutes: “so I sez to dem: feck off, ye shower of cunts!” and Harry laughed so hard he choked on his smoke.  If Harry’d had his eyes closed he would’ve thought there was an actual leprechaun in front of him, asking for his pot o’ gold.  The last three words of Niall’s sentence sounded more like “SHEWER UB KOONTZ” in his thick Irish brogue and he was one of the funniest mother fuckers Harry’d ever met.

“Mate, we had a blast the other night; whyyy didn’t you come out with us?” Niall implored, bright blue eyes flickering with annoyance.

“I had to work,” Harry lamented.

“No. You _wanted_ to work, you didn’t _have_ to,” Niall corrected and Harry shrugged.  Working 80-100 hours a week for one of London’s largest law firms-DLA Piper-left little room for a social life.  But the money was wicked, judging by the Ferrari he drove to work today and the Lambo in his garage.  He missed partying with his pals but he also wanted to make junior partner by the time he was thirty-in six years-and that meant dedication and loads of overtime.  Niall got this job because of his dad owed a favor to one of the managing partners, so he was in fuck all of a hurry to move up the corporate ladder. In fact, Harry wasn’t even sure Niall _liked_ being a lawyer, even though he was damn good at it.  His other smoke/work friend was Zayn Malik, whose parents were rich as hell so he really didn’t _need_ this job but he liked it so he stayed, trying to stave off his parents’ attempts to join their family business of flower import/export.  Zayn was gorgeous-deep complexion matched with dark eyes and coal-black hair-and Harry told him he could be a model which just made Zayn laugh. “Naw, mate, couldn’t handle all that shallow bullshit,” he’d told him.

While Harry busted his ass at work, the other two lollygagged around, even getting high during the work day sometimes.  Harry had to admit his social life was lame-o; he hadn’t had sex in _months_ , ever since Nick moved out, the prick.  He’d sashayed out the door a few months back, with his “Harry you’re married to your work. You don’t have time for me,” bullshit. Which

What-the-fuck-ever. Maybe he was right?

Which. No.

Nick was a prat and an annoying git and quite frankly, their sex was boring. More of a “lemme stick my dick in you, get some friction, cum, and then roll over to sleep.” A proper wank and a smoke were more satisfying to Harry even when Nick lived with him and even more so now that he'd left. Currently, Harry got more-and better-action from a vibrator and a butt plug.

He guessed the hand/blow jobs he got from various twinks he’d met at the club-who he couldn’t be arsed to ask their names much less remember them-didn’t technically count as sex. Which was depressing.  But so was coming home to an empty, million pound flat in Hempstead Heath every night so why not work a lot and keep his mind off that?  That seemed like a logical, rational conclusion. At least that’s what Harry told himself.

Basically, Harry’s life was a mess and smoking was merely a symptom-an outward manifestation of the burning in his soul that he tried to chase away but continuously failed to do-of the rest of his fucked-up life.  But he didn’t have time to think about that right now because he was smoking and having a laugh with his mates.  They made their way inside and ran into their office manager, Jesy, her long, beautiful dark hair laying softly around her pretty face.  If Harry’d been straight, he might’ve gone after her; besides, he was pretty sure Niall had already beat him to it.  She wrinkled her nose in disgust and said “you lot stink!” and Harry replied “funny observation coming from you, who used to be the ring leader of our little ‘smoke-break-crew’.” 

“I quit smoking a few months ago,” she replied firmly.

Harry looked at her suspiciously, “ _how_?!”

“Hypnosis,” she said, causing Niall to cackle, Harry to roll his eyes and Zayn to drawl in his Northern England accent “that sounds like some new-agey, hippy-dippy bullshit, Jes.”

She cocked a perfectly-groomed eyebrow at all three and said “Make fun, go ‘head, you smelly lot, but I feel better than I have in years and I don’t waste precious time during the day blowing smoke rings outside the front door, freezing me arse off!”

Niall slapped her on the shoulder-which, “really, dude?!” Harry thought-and said “well, we’re gonna get together for drinks on Friday; join us! Unless you’ve been hypnotized against that too.”

She narrowed her eyes and quipped “twats. I’ll think about it. Text me, Ni,” and she winked at him as she walked off.  They all split off to their respective offices and Harry worked through lunch-as usual-and when Niall and Zayn came by around six to offer to buy dinner, Harry declined. “Can’t, mates. This shit just keeps piling up on my desk. Take a rain cheque?”

“Sure, whatever,” Niall chided as they left, Zayn whispering “dude, you got that weed we had last week? That shit was ACES!” and Niall cackling in response.

Harry sighed and looked at his computer, emails flying into his in-box faster than he could comprehend, and got back to work. At around ten, he realized he was bloody well starving and even though he would usually work until midnight he decided to call it quits. The curry place around the corner from his flat was calling his name so he shut down his computer and said goodnight to the cleaning crew-who he was on a first-name basis with-“later, Bert, Carol, have a lovely evening,” he said-and made his way to the car park.  His precious Ferrari was the only car left-he silently hoped his bosses noticed-and he slunk into the driver’s side.  He realized he hadn’t checked his phone in hours and noticed a missed call from his mum; his phone also reminded him that her birthday was on Saturday. Which, shit. He knew she wouldn’t accept his standard “I’m-busy-here’s-flowers-love-you” plan that he’d used the past few years so he would have to find time this week to slip off and buy her something nice.  Heaven knows she deserved it.

When he got home to his large, lavishly appointed, but depressingly empty flat, he kicked off his £1000 Italian leather shoes and flopped on the couch to dig into his curry.  He flipped through the TV but there was shit all on of course so he picked up his iPad and decided to scroll through Facebook instead.  And, well, that was depressing too, seeing all of his secondary school and uni mates posting pics of their beautiful wives and children and vacations and…

Maybe he should get a cat, he though, because he couldn’t possibly screw up that relationship, right?  But then he’d feel guilty for leaving the damn thing alone all the time.

He didn’t even have time for a self-sufficient animal; how in the bloody hell was he gonna find an actual person to put up with his shit? He looked around his dark flat and decided to text Niall to get Jesy’s number to ask her about her hypnotist. Because however “hippy-dippy bullshit” the hypnosis sounded, it was more than what he was doing about his smoking addiction right now-which was fuck all. Maybe if he got control of one aspect of his life-his smoking-the rest would fall in line. Hopefully.  Maybe. Niall texted him back quickly: why mate? U wanna hook up w her too ?

Which, da fuck? Harry sent him back a picture of his middle finger, imagining Niall laughing his ass off.  He texted him her number and Harry quickly sent her a text: what’s the number of your hypnotist? Gotta do something ab my smoking :D

She sent him the number in record time, almost as if she knew Harry was going to text her. Hmmm…but Niall and Jesy’s “Fuck-buddy fauxmance” was none of his damn business, though he was a stitch jealous that his buddy was getting some action even if it wasn’t the kind _he_ was looking for.

He drank a few sifters of brandy before he tumbled into bed, failing to even brush his teeth. But then he laid there thinking about the 4302 things he had to do when he got to work early the next morning, along with what the fuck he was gonna get his mum for her birthday. His entire life was just a gigantic stress ball of shit and he’d no one to blame for it except himself.

Once a reasonable hour dawned-eight am-Harry decided to take a break from his piles of work at his desk to call the hypnotist.  Surprisingly, he had an available appointment on Thursday afternoon and even though it would take time away from his work, Harry decided to go.  Though he most definitely wasn’t going to tell Niall and Zayn about it.

Harry had no idea what to expect from this but he was never one to shy away from a challenge.  Dr. Carl was a distinguished older gentleman with a striking resemblance to Dr. Freud and Harry wasn’t sure if he should find that comforting or disturbing. “So, Harry,” he said in his alarmingly proper accent, “tell me why you’re here.”

“Uh, I was referred here to help me stop smoking,” Harry replied hesitantly. “But I’m not sure how this all works.”

Dr. Carl nodded softly and began explaining how hypnosis works: “Through hypnosis, the brain demonstrates profound changes in how it processes information when acting on suggestion once it’s susceptible. It’s based on the idea that perceptions can be manipulated by expectation.  Neuroscientists have learned much about how our brains construct reality and how reality is based on experience which serves as a "top-down processing" and "feedback loop." This feedback loop stands ready to interpret information according to the experiences. Top-down means that the brain wins out no matter what is happening down below. To make a long story short, in the end ‘what you see is not always what you get.’ Things are interpreted according to one's perception and experiences."

“Hmm, perceptions versus reality versus experiences. Seems reasonable,” Harry mused.

The doctor laughed gently and continued, “This can be a good or bad thing. For instance, if you were told you were ugly your whole life, you most certainly would believe you were ugly no matter what you looked like to others. Your reality is created around what you were told and that forms your perception. So, hypnotherapy is helping neuroscientists understand how thoughts are constructed. With this understanding, clients and hypnotherapists can use hypnotherapy as a tool to make positive, healing, and constructive change by recreating perception and learning new, helpful, ways to think thus, creating a better future. So hypnosis can change the way you think about smoking, making it increasingly unappealing to you.”

Well, Harry’d never been told he was ugly-in fact it was quite the opposite-but changing his perception about smoking was his goal.  “That? Would be lovely,” Harry admitted.

“Well, it will take some time and you have to go into it with an open mind, pardon the pun,” the doctor continued. “Hypnosis isn’t a ‘cure-all’ and it doesn’t work for everyone but it _can_ help. You have to listen to yourself and your inner voice to help you quit.  The subconscious mind is similar in function to a computer hard drive. It takes information in, records it, and plays it back. Hypnosis creates a receptive mind where we can take out what's not working and put in new software.  In short, I will verbally guide you to a hyper-responsive, hyper-attentive state in which your subconscious mind (the part that tells you that smoking is cool and totally worth it) is in its most persuadable state, and then replaces the harmful or unwanted thoughts with positive, healthy ones.”

Well, now, listening to himself and his ‘inner voice’-whatever the fuck all that was-was never Harry’s strong point.  If it was, he most definitely wouldn’t have gone to law school.  But, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? “Okay, let’s start!” Harry agreed.

Dr. Carl started with breathing and visualization exercises and then induced Harry into a trance, essentially a state of extreme relaxation. Harry was in the trance, and his "suggestibility" was maximized, Dr. Carl began making statements ("I am uninterested in cigarettes" and "I hate the smell of smoke on my clothing") that would hopefully take root and change his behavior. Then he woke up Harry and brought him out of the hypnotic state.

When Harry “woke up” he didn’t feel any different and remembered very little of his first hypnosis, at least initially.  He thanked the doctor and wondered if he was nothing more than a snake-oil salesman; a quack.  But when he sat down on the tube back to his office, headphones in his ears, blocking out the world, he remembered something but it wasn’t about smoking. It was a vision of a guy and he was _gorgeous_ , like he put Zayn Malik to shame. Beautiful skin, angular face, cheekbones that could cut glass, and piercing blue eyes, accompanied by brownish-red hair pushed determinedly up off his forehead into a proper quiff. “What the fuck?” Harry thought. “Aren’t I supposed to be repeating some ‘mantra’ like ‘I will not smoke’ not imagining my ‘dream guy’? Maybe this hypnosis is a shit-load of bollocks,” he wondered.

However, when Zayn popped into his office later that day to invite Harry for a quick smoke break, Harry declined, which, whoa. “Arry, in the five years I’ve known you, you’ve never shoved me off for a smoke,” Zayn told him and Harry shrugged sheepishly. “Maybe I just have work to do?” he suggested and Zayn stared at him through hooded and increasingly suspicious eyes.  “Well, fuck. If the hypnosis is helping me decline smoke breaks then how does this guy I saw fit into things?” he wondered.

The next day, he made another appointment with Dr. Carl, more out of curiosity than being convinced that it was actually helping him quit. Because he walked by Ni and Z smoking before lunch and he started salivating. On his lunch hour-which he usually worked through-he hopped on the tube to the shops at Kensington. As he sat on the bench, scrolling through his phone, he could’ve sworn he saw _the guy_ on the tube. But when he looked around-even getting up off his arse to walk down the car-the fella was nowhere to be seen. Okay, maybe Harry was now officially losing his mind; maybe this guy was a ghost? Maybe Harry needed to see someone with more credentials to treat nutters like himself, rather than Dr. Carl.

After his third session with Dr. Carl he decided to ask Jesy-in private, of course-if she’d had a similar experience with regards to seeing things-or cute boys-that aren’t actually there. She looked at him as if he’d grown horns and said “uh, no. Just didn’t really feel like smoking anymore is all. Why?”

“Uh, nothing. Think I’m going mad is all. Thanks,” he said hurriedly and quickly beat a retreat back to his office.

At his next appointment he asked the doctor, “well I’m definitely losing the need to smoke, so that’s good. But should I see things-uh, people-that aren’t really there?” he asked tentatively.

“Like who?” the doctor asked.

“See that’s the thing. I don’t know _who_ this person is but I see him every time I go under hypnosis. Then I see him when I’m out and about. Then last night,” Harry paused and bit his lip. “Last night I had a dream about him.”

“Well under normal circumstances, no, you shouldn’t _see_ people when you’re under hypnosis. But if you’re open to the hypnosis then maybe he represents a message embedded in it that your brain is picking up on. Maybe something your brain needs to see. Maybe he represents how your ‘computer hard drive’ is taking out the bad parts and replacing it with new ‘software’?  So perhaps he represents you, post-smoking? Perhaps he’s your dreams or desires?”

Harry chuckled at the last one because, yeah, he massively desired this guy.  And judging by the way he showed up in his dream-wearing black skinny jeans, taut thighs and bum on display, broad shoulders opening up to hug Harry-was something Harry could get lost in. When he spoke he had an accent similar to-but not exactly like Zayn’s. So Northern England but not-where the fuck was Zayn from? Bradford, that’s it-not Bradford. “Hmm, maybe?” Harry wondered at the doc’s suggestion.

After six weeks of hypnosis appointments, Harry was losing his desire to smoke but his visions of _the guy_ -he decided to name him Eric because fuck knows he was spending more “time” with him than anyone else in his life-had been increasing. Now Harry “saw” him in his apartment-which, what the fuck?-his office and the Tescos near his house.  And to top it off, Nick had been texting him again, the desperate wanker, wanting to “meet for coffee” which Harry was pretty sure meant “suck my dick in the Starbucks bathroom.” He ignored him and instead spent time with the other constant in his life: his vibrator. 

Of course his life continued to be work, work, work, leaving very little time for socializing; he did manage to meet Niall, Jesy, Zayn and one of their new interns, Liam, for drinks on Saturday afternoon.  When both Zayn and Niall lit up their cigarettes, Harry wrinkled his nose in disgust, which, okay, that was progress.  But then, out of the corner of his eyes, he could’ve sworn he saw Eric and he spun off his bar stool to track him down. Of course, he was nowhere to be found and Harry was starting to wonder if Eric was like Dory from “Finding Nemo”: his conscience, telling him to go home or call his mum or get a cat.  Because fuck it all, this was bizarre.

On Sunday, throbbing headache from the previous night’s festivities notwithstanding, Harry was back at the office, attempting to move shit from his in-box to his out-box and being met with a modicum of success. By dinner time, he’d cut his stack in half and knew he had to leave soon because if he begged off on his mum’s Sunday roast again she would have his head-or more-in a bloody sling.  The name on the folder at the top of his in-box read “Louis Tomlinson” and Harry put it down on his desk so he would see it first thing tomorrow then closed up shop and headed over to his mum’s.

Monday he came in a bit later-well, 6:30 instead of 6 am but hey, baby steps-but somehow the folder he’d put on his desk the night before had been buried by new, shinier folders.  Harry felt his head start to hurt and he really wanted a cigarette; he made a mental note to call Dr. Carl later today and make another appointment. At around 8:30 one of the interns-Liam, the one Zayn kept making goo-goo eyes over on Saturday-knocked on his door and said “big meeting right now, Mr. Styles. Important client, sir. A Mr. Louis Tomlinson.”

Which, shit. How long _had_ that folder been in his in-box? And how long had he been ignoring it?  Harry shuffled his other folders to find the Tomlinson one buried at the bottom of the stack. He popped it open to glance briefly at it and raised an eyebrow at Liam. “Is this an emergency meeting? AKA one that Jack wants everyone to attend so he looks brilliant and we’re all impressed? Cause I just got the file on Friday,” Harry explained.

Liam looked nervous like if he answered Harry’s question truthfully, he was gonna get fired or some such nonsense. “Uhhh,” he stammered and Harry raised his hand saying “never mind, I’ll be there shortly,” and quickly gathered the file and his increasingly cold tea.  He saw a swarm of interns parading past his office with Zayn and Niall as the cabooses; “psst! Mates, what’s going on?” Harry hissed at them as he walked out of his office.

Niall shrugged and Zayn was too busy flirting with Liam to acknowledge Harry’s presence. “Dunno, mate. Probably some rich prep-school prick who fucked around on his inheritance and skirted the tax man. You know, the usual.”

Harry did know the type; but “why the emergency meeting? I haven’t even had a chance to look at his file,” he asked again garnering a shrug from Niall. This was getting infuriating but he barely had time to complain as they were being herded into the very large conference room. “Who knows? Jack probably just wants to show off for the interns,” Niall snarked and Harry buried his nose in the folder while drinking his now-cold tea. Which fuck it, didn’t they have interns who specialized in tea making and re-heating? He wished he could remember who that was because he needed him or her desperately right now. 

Niall was clattering away about Jesy or something stupid he did at the bar as Harry only half-listened attempting to absorb by osmosis the information about this “Louis Tomlinson” fella who was so damn important he garnered an emergency meeting.  When he stepped into the conference room, he was holding his tea cup in his mouth by his teeth, folder opened-but not much osmosis happening unfortunately-when the “herd” slowed as people found places to sit. 

Harry turned his head to see him, _Eric_ , sitting at the fucking conference table. Harry’s mouth gaped open, tea cup falling out of his mouth and spilling onto the Tomlinson folder, as he stopped dead in his tracks, interns piling up behind him like traffic on the M25.  Niall yelped as the tea spilled on his expensive trousers but Harry couldn’t be arsed to care because _he_ was there, strong cheekbones garnering the room’s attention already, and his perfect quiff, well, quiffed.

He looked nervous, his small but strong hands rubbing the arms of the chair absentmindedly, sighing loudly and conversing with his lawyer. But he was even more beautiful in person and Harry couldn’t stop staring at him, mouth agape like a codfish.  He was pretty sure Eric, erm, Louis, caught Harry staring holes through him because he shot him a “what the fuck, dude?” look quickly as Harry fumbled around trying to clean up his mess.  Since his boss, Jack, was trying to impress everyone, he let Harry, Zayn and Niall sit at the large conference table, Eric mere meters from Harry. Niall nudged his knee as if to say “dude, pull it together,” which caused Harry to snap out of his trance; when he did he half expected Eric, uh, Louis to be gone just like he always had in the past.

But he wasn’t. He was still sitting across from Harry, still glorious, still resplendent in his England team jacket and what looked like a Stone Roses t-shirt. Which, okay, Manchester, THAT’S the accent Harry couldn’t place when he “heard” Louis talk in his dream. And this was all getting weirder by the minute as Harry forced himself to focus on something besides Eric, er, Louis, but was failing miserably.   

By the time Jack called the meeting to order, Harry had decided three things about Louis:

  1.        He was gonna start talking and sound like the Artful Dodger from _Oliver Twist_
  2.        He would be an absolute prat
  3.        Knowing Harry’s luck, he was married with 3 kids



I got my hypnosis info from here: [x](http://www.kyhypnosis.com/hypnosis.php) and here: [x>](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/11/hypnosis-quit-smoking_n_1248444.html)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get weirder

Turns out Niall was wrong; well, partially.  Louis WAS rich, but not "I-inherited-it-from-daddy" rich but rather "Smart-kid-goes-to-uni-creates-an-internet-start-up-earns-a-fuck-ton-of-money" kind of way.  And he hadn't dodged the tax man; rather, his partners in his internet firm royally fucked him over which was why he was sitting in this conference room.

Harry was wrong too, because when Louis opened his mouth to speak, he had the most lovely and engaging northern England accent where he peppered his speech with phrases like "me calendar" and pronounced "idiot" like "eeedeeooot". He also didn't seem like a complete prat; when he told his story, he insisted that everyone call him Louis, not Mr. Tomlinson and that he was looking forward to working with them.  Maybe he was blowing smoke up their asses, Harry thought, but at least the first impression was good.  The jury was still out on number three, though judging by the fact that Louis was only 28 and wasn't wearing a wedding ring, Harry was hopeful that it was wrong too.

Jack, Harry's boss, prattled on for ages about the importance of their "team" and other inane bullshit that made Harry's brain hurt; sometimes he wondered if he just talked because he liked the sound of his voice. He introduced Louis' attorney, John Robertson, and he finally started explaining why they were here: Louis founded a dating website while he was at uni and sold it to a major internet company then he started a gaming website and developed a wildly popular app.  Harry noticed that John never mentioned the website or app by name but he figured that was for privacy reasons, even though they would all find out what it was once they started working on the case.  He then sold that app and him and a partner developed a dating app and when it went public they made millions; then Louis' partner alleged that he had been fraudulently denied his share of the IPO profit because he said Louis was not actually a legal partner in the company.  Which, wow.

So now there's millions of pounds in limbo, with Louis claiming they were his and his partner saying they weren't.  Louis claimed to have documentation of the partnership agreement and the splitting of the IPO profits so it was up to Harry's group to do just that for his case.  It seemed pretty straight forward but Harry knew it would involve a ton of work on his part-as usual-but he was excited by the challenge.  After the meeting broke up, Harry wanted to apologize for being a creeper to Louis so he found him and as his brain repeated his name over and over "call him Louis Louis Louis Louis", Harry touched his arm and said "um, excuse me, Mr. Tomlinson?"

Louis turned around, bright blue eyes glistening, and said "Louis, please."

"Sure," Harry replied. "Uh, I wanted to apologize for making a scene in there. It's just that you look exactly like someone I know. Like it's uncanny. And when I saw you sitting there, I was gobsmacked."

Louis raised his eyebrows, "really? What's this bloke's name?"

"Uh, Eric," Harry said softly.

"Well, I'd like to meet this Eric sometime, especially if he's me twin! And no worries about what happened in there, mate. It's all good." Louis replied and winked at Harry.

Harry felt his knees buckle slightly because WOW, he was so gorgeous and he just winked at him.  "Uh, I'll see if I can arrange that," Harry said quickly. "Now if you'll excuse me, gotta get to work!" he said cheerfully, waving Louis' folder in front of him.

Louis laughed and said "sure thing, mate. And thanks!"

Harry walked quickly-trying not to run-back to his office and slammed the door behind him.  He plunked his head against it and muttered "Fuck!" because he was twenty-four years old and was developing a crush on one of his clients.  Who may be straight.

Which...

Harry sat down at his desk and Googled Louis' name; he vaguely remembered something about this story in the press and if he wasn't so far up his own ass he would already know the details.  And there it was on the front of the Daily Mail: LOUIS TOMLINSON IN MASSIVE ROW OVER GRINDR APP

Which...

Oh...

Grindr?

Uh, okay, so Harry was wrong about number three too....

He was jolted out of the realization that Louis does in fact bat for the same “team” as Harry by his phone buzzing in his pocket and he reached to answer it: FUCK. It was his mum. He’d been successfully dodging her calls for weeks now but she’d caught him at a weak moment-crushing on Louis-so he decided to answer it.

        “Hi mum,” he said as calmly as he could.

        “Harry, dahling,” she replied. Harry was already annoyed.

        “What’s up?” he asked quickly.

        “Oh,” she sounded offended. Which, FUCK. “Can’t a mother call her son just to talk?” she asked accusingly.

        “Yes,” Harry thought “But you’re not just _any mother_ …”

        “Of course,” he replied. “I’m at work, am a little busy, so…”

        “Yes dear, I know. You work _all the time_.  Anyway,” she continued, attempting-but failing-to rid the derision from her voice, “just wanted to thank you again for my Hermes scarf you bought me for my birthday. The ladies at school didn’t even know how to pronounce it. IMAGINE!” she laughed snobbily.

        Now Harry was annoyed AND suspicious about her call because she’d already told him “thank you” for the birthday gift, but not about the ladies at school. Not that Harry cared….she was a secretary at the local primary school in Harry’s hometown of Cheshire and never missed an opportunity to tell her co-workers how rich Harry was.  She used to be rich until his dad pissed away all of her money and some of Harry’s.

        Harry tried to sound enthusiastic, “that’s great, mum. How’s dad? Gems?” He really didn’t care-and he knew the answer: FLAKY AS HELL-but he was just being polite.

        “Oh, they’re great, honey. Did you know Stephen got a job?” she asked. Stephen was Gemma’s husband who was just as flaky and dippy as her, if not more so. He couldn’t hold a job to save his life-it was always one thing or another with him-so Harry was more than a bit surprised at this news, though he still didn’t care.

        “Uh, no, I haven’t talked to her in a while,” he replied and his mother launched into a ten-minute explanation of Stephen’s new job and how Gemma’s massage business was going and at some point she sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher: whah whah whah whahhhhhh. Only when she mentioned Gemma’s kids did Harry pay a tiny bit of attention: he loved those kids-even though their parents were assholes-and they were honestly one of the few reasons why he stayed in touch with his family. Olivia and Jake were his world and he spoiled them rotten, to hell with their parents.  Been there, done that, never again.

        “But they are doing well in school; Liv is getting high marks and Jake is starting karate,” she explained which Harry was happy about. “And your dad is, well your dad,” she continued and Harry started tuning her out again. His dad wasn’t there for him as a kid but when Harry started making money, he was his best friend.  By now he had officially run three businesses into the ground and drained Anne’s inheritance plus fifty-thousand pounds Harry had lent him. They lost Harry’s childhood home and were now living above Blackbeard’s Pub in downtown Cheshire. And they wondered why Harry never came home.

        Thankfully, Jack, Harry’s boss, knocked on his door at that moment so he said “mum, my boss is here, gotta go!” and as he hung up he heard her say “Wait Harry! I wanna ask you….” But whatever she wanted Harry wasn’t keen to give it to her.  And although Harry found Jack to be annoying too, he was a nice distraction from his insane family.

        Jack sat down and started rehashing the conference with Louis, picking Harry’s brain on the legalities of the case; sometimes Harry wondered if Jack talked to him to confirm what he knew or to find out what he should know. After he prattled on for near twenty minutes about the case, he finished with: “Louis likes to keep things loose and relaxed; the meeting today was way more formal than he wanted but I insisted.” Harry knew why HE insisted on it-to impress his underlings-but whatever. “So next week, Louis wants to have a working lunch and I know you usually don’t go to those things, but,”

        “I’ll be there!” Harry exclaimed, maybe a bit too enthusiastically.

        Jack had a shocked look on his face and replied “okay, great! Well, I’ll leave you to work on it!” and finally left Harry’s office.

        The following week he met Niall, Zayn, Liam, Jack, Louis and his attorney at a posh restaurant in downtown London.  Niall being Niall exclaimed “Mate! Whadda you doing here? You usually don’t come to these?”

        Harry looked around “I’m here to meet with Louis and his lawyer, Niall.”

        “Psh, usually you say you have ‘too much work to do’ to take a working lunch,” Niall replied, smacking him on the back.

        Harry gritted his teeth and said as calmly as he could “I’m not taking the afternoon off to have tea with the Queen, _Niall_ , I’m here to meet with a client and do my job.”

        He could’ve sworn he heard Louis muffle a snickering laugh but when he looked at him, he was merely smiling.

        “Eh, whatever, mate!” Niall finished and they all sat down, Harry vowing to kick Niall in the shins for being a twat when he had the chance.

        Harry tried very hard to focus on the matter at hand-Louis’ legal troubles-but all he could really focus on were Louis’ baby blue eyes.  He found himself getting lost in them, and silently hoped he didn’t look like a dopey schoolboy with a crush but was pretty sure he was failing because occasionally, Louis would shoot him a weird look.  “Get it together, Styles,” Harry said to himself but his inner voice just laughed at him.

        After lunch, the group dissipated and Harry returned to his office with even more work to complete. He sat down at his desk, rubbed his hands through his hair and down his face as he surveyed the stacks of paper and folders on his desk. “What. The. Fuck?” he said out loud to no one in particular.

Except…

        “Dunno, mate, but looks like you’ve got a shit-ton of work to do,” he heard someone say, in an accent that sounded remarkably like Louis’.

Which…SHIT.

        Harry popped his head up and saw Louis leaning against his office doorframe, small, compact, fit body looking amazing in his black skinny jeans, Adidas jacket, his hair tucked under a gray beanie. He looked much younger than his twenty-eight years and he was _smiling_ at Harry, blue eyes searching for a response from him.

        Harry was pretty sure his hair looked like Edward Scissorhands’ at this point but he said “um, yeah, you could say that. Piled high and deeper, right?” and he tried to make a joke.

        Louis laughed softly which carried across the room to land on Harry’s nerve endings, causing them to pulse with warmth and anticipation. “You could say that. I’m guessing I’m not your only client?” Louis asked.

        Harry shook his head. “Not a chance. Yours is definitely the one I’m the most interested in and want to work the hardest on but” and he waved his hand across his desk “duty calls, you know?”

        “I just saw Niall & Zayn’s offices and they aren’t half as full as yours,” he remarked.

        Harry snorted, “that’s because they don’t give a FU-uh, damn about making partner here but I do. By the time I’m thirty, in six years. Besides, the Ferrari I drove to work today won’t pay for itself.” He was trying to impress Louis but he wondered if it was working.  He was skeptical.

        Louis narrowed his eyes and merely said “hmmm.”

        Now Harry was panicked: was that a good “hmm”? Or a bad, judgmental one?!

        Then Louis shrugged. “Well, I just wanted to say thank you for taking on my case. I know it’s complicated and probably a giant pain in the arse but you-uh, your team-seems sharp, smart and dedicated.”

        “Uh, you’re welcome. Really, it’s our pleasure,” Harry stammered.

        “Well, I’m sure it is because I am paying you well,” and Harry wasn’t sure how to take that statement until he saw Louis smile.

        “Uh, thanks for that too,” Harry replied.

        “Sure thing, mate. And I still would like to meet this Eric fella who you say is allegedly me twin,” Louis finished and Harry was 99% sure he winked at him. Again.

        Harry cleared his throat because he was about to vomit. “I’ll see what I can do.”

        Louis nodded, waved, turned on his heel and walked down the hall to the reception area and down the elevator. Not that Harry watched him do all that or anything, memorizing the shape of his bum and the curve of it when it hit his upper thigh…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings suck.

Harry sat back down at his desk-his dick half-hard from staring at Louis’ pert ass-and groaned. He wallowed in desire and self-pity for a minute or two until his phone rang and settled his semi-boner. It was Dr. Carl’s office reminding him of his appointment tomorrow, which, good! Now he could tell him about Louis and explain that he was not going completely mad. Plus he was jonesing for a cigarette so he could certainly use the help.

      The next day he sat in his office and after receiving his hypnosis, Harry said “can I tell you something?”

      “Sure, Harry,” Dr. Carl replied.

      “This may sound bizarre, but do you remember that guy I told you I saw when I was hypnotized?”

      Dr. Carl nodded. “Uh, okay, well, I _met_ him. In person. In real life. Like he exists,” Harry rambled, waiting for a response.

      The doctor got an odd look on his face-a mixture of surprise and disbelief-and said “Harry, I’m a hypnotherapists so I am quite open to ideas and concepts-excuse the pun-but what you’ve just described is, well, impossible.”

      Harry shook his head. “No, I know. But it’s true. Like it happened. And I saw him and he was gorgeous and he was sitting right in front of me.”

      “Harry, this can’t be. You must be suffering from transference where you saw him on telly or in the news or on the street so he was in your subconscious and the hypnosis brought him to the forefront of your mind,” the doctor explained.

      “No,” Harry said firmly. “I’ve never ever seen this guy before. Well, except for in my hypnosis. Then at the conference table at my work the other day. Am I going completely mad?”

      “No, Harry, you’re not, I promise. We just have to figure out what’s going on and why he showed up when he did, okay?” the doctor replied and made Harry feel a bit better.

      “Sure, sounds good. The hypnosis is working, I promise. I haven’t smoked in weeks, though I still get an occasional craving,” Harry admitted.

      “That’s to be expected. You’re a work in progress,” Dr. Carl observed and Harry silently snorted to himself. “You can say that again,” he thought to himself.

      Later that evening, Harry was finishing working on Louis’ case and sent him an email with the details of his research.  A few minutes later, Louis replied saying “thank you. Are you still at work?!”

      “Yes, it’s still early around here, ha, ha,” Harry replied.

      “It’s 21:30, mate!” Louis exclaimed. “Go home!”

      “Can’t, have too much work to do,” Harry said.

      “Well, at least stop working on my case,” Louis suggested. “That way I won’t feel badly because you’re sacrificing time with your family because of me.”

      “Ahh, if you only knew,” Harry thought. “Ok. Promise. Besides, what’re you doing replying to me at this hour?”

      “Ha! I’m playing Farm Castle on my iPad, sitting on my mum’s couch when your email came thru,” Louis said and Harry smiled.

      “Well, enjoy! I’m going back to work on someone else’s case J” Harry emailed back.

      “Thanks! Gonna have another meeting with the team next week, see you then,” Louis replied.

      The following Friday, Harry, Niall, Zayn, Liam and Jack met Louis and his lawyer for a late-afternoon meeting at a local restaurant. When they finished, Jack and John left and as the rest were gathering up their things, Louis said “so why don’t we all go get a beer? My treat to thank you for your hard work. And you can bring your significant others.”

      Harry side-eyed Zayn who stared at Liam and nodded. Niall pumped his fist and said “YES!” loudly.

      “Sure thing, mate,” Zayn replied. “Me and Liam are in. But can you give us an hour to go home and change? I don’t wanna go in my suit.”

      “Since when are they ‘me and Liam’?” Harry thought shifting his gaze to Niall.

      “Yeah,” Niall chimed in. “I gotta work on my date too!”

      Louis looked at Harry pointedly. “Uh, sorry, I can’t. I’ve got work to do,” Harry said and he could’ve sworn he saw a flash of disappointment on Louis’ face.

      “Sure, I understand. Just promise me you won’t work on my case,” Louis suggested, smiling.

      Harry smiled back. “Promise. See you lads later,” he said to the rest and turned to leave.

      He heard Niall say “uh, can’t get service here, gonna go outside to call Jesy,” then he felt a palm smacking him on the back of his head.

      “Owww!” he yelped turning around to see Niall. “What the fuck, mate?”

      “Are ye fooked in da head, Styles?” he replied, getting more Irish as his annoyance increased.

      “Whattt?” Harry screeched.

      “Ya know, yer smart as hell but dumb as fuck sometimes,” Niall said snarkily.

      “Yes, well you have potatoes for a brain. What the fuck are you going on about?”

      Niall rolled his eyes into his forehead. “Louis wants YOU to go out tonight, he just invited us to be nice. Stop being a twat and come with us!”

      “I think your potato brain just turned to mash, Ni because you’re completely wrong,” Harry replied shaking his head.

      “And I think you’re a fucking stupid git. Go on to work. Have fun! We’ll drink a beer for you,” Niall teased as Harry sighed and walked out the door.

      Harry’s head hurt now but he wasn’t sure if it was because he was tired and stressed or because he wanted Niall to be right about Louis. When he returned to the office, he didn’t feel like working but knew he had to. Or wanted to?  Niall texted him every fifteen minutes begging him to meet them at the bar where they went a few weeks ago but Harry ignored him. At first.

      By 7:30, the image of Louis’ beautiful face being slightly tipsy in a dimly-lit corner of the bar inspired him to meet his mates.  Luckily he had a change of clothes in his office and even better, they were clean. And made his ass look spectacular. He texted Niall to see where they were and he replied with about ten thumbs-up emojis.  When he arrived, Louis got a surprised-and was that relief?-look on his face as he smiled and said “Harry! Nice of you to join us! What do you want to drink?”

      “Uh, thanks. Stella Artois, please,” Harry replied, sitting at the table, nodding at everyone. Niall was about to jump out of his skin with excitement as he flung his arm across the back of Jesy’s chair and winked at Harry.  Were Zayn and Liam holding hands?? Harry wondered as Louis returned with his beer.

      “So what made you decide to join us?” Louis asked, blue eyes sparkling.

      Harry took a long drink out of his beer then pointed the bottle at Niall. “The Irish dickhead over there wouldn’t stop texting me. So it was either join you or throw my phone against the wall. Figured this was more economically responsible.”

      Everyone at the table laughed, including Louis, and they resumed their conversation.  Harry didn’t say much, just listened but he soon realized this was where he’d sworn he saw Eric, erm, Louis before he met him.  He leaned over to Louis and asked “have you been here before?”

      “Nope,” Louis said. “First time. You?”

      “We-well they-come here a lot,” Harry replied, thus confirming his suspicions that he was losing his mind.

      “It’s a cool place, I like the vibe. Get a few more drinks in me and I might even dance!” Louis exclaimed.  “So where’s everyone from?” he asked the group.

      Niall took that as an invitation to launch into one of his famous “Mullingar stories” which were peppered with “fook” and someone-usually Niall or his brother-getting drunk. By the end of it, everyone was in stitches laughing.  “Whadda ‘bout you, Louis?” Niall asked.

      “Uh, Doncaster, actually. Rather boring place, couldn’t wait to leave but now I’m back, go figure. Working class family, didn’t have much growing up, got into uni by the skin of my teeth. Now look at me. You know, the usual,” Louis replied.

      “What about you, Harry?” Louis asked and Harry wasn’t keen to get into his family situation with Louis of all people, even though Niall and Zayn knew all about.

      “Same,” Harry lied. “From Cheshire, went to uni, law school, now here I am. You know, the usual.”

      “Cheshire. That’s posh,” Louis observed.

      Harry managed a meager smile because they were until his dad pissed it away. “Uh, we lived comfortably,  I guess,” and he shrugged. “But not as nicely as Zayn,” he finished trying to change the subject.  Luckily it worked, but he noticed Louis looking at him quizzically.

      After quite a few more beers and even more laughter, Harry saw Niall out of the corner of his eye make a “hey look over there” movement with his head. It wasn’t subtle so Louis looked in the same direction as Harry, who saw Nick sitting at the bar.  He groaned and rolled his eyes because he did not want to deal with his bullshit tonight.  Louis cocked his head at him but stayed silent.  Harry suddenly had to piss like a racehorse so he excused himself to the loo and when he returned, only Louis was sitting at the table. He also made eye contact with Nick, who smirked at him and Harry didn’t respond.

      “Hey, I bought you another beer, hope that’s okay,” Louis said as Harry sat down.

      “Thank you,” Harry replied, losing count of how many he’d had.

      Louis engaged him in conversation and since it was louder in the bar now that the dance music was thumping so they had to lean into each other to hear. Louis smelled amazing, like a mix between aftershave, expensive cologne and was that a hint of smoke? Thankfully for Harry, the conversation stayed professional, talking about the case so Harry didn’t have to reveal anymore about his personal life.  After a few more beers, Louis ran off to the loo and he took forever; he thought he’d returned when another Stella Artois appeared in front of Harry’s face.  Too bad the hand on it belonged to Nick who said “looks like you’re getting blown off again, Styles.”

      Harry jumped out of his chair to get in Nick’s face for being a dick-again-and when he did, he saw Louis grinding on a tall, lanky, guy on the dance floor. Which, okay, great. “Fuck off, Nick. No one asked you. And we’re not together,” Harry said taking a long drink of his beer.

      Nick laughed, “hmm, sure thing. And since when do you go out on Friday nights? Had you done this when we lived together I might’ve stayed.”

      Harry was about two seconds from bashing the bottle over Nick’s head but instead he finished it in two more gulps.  “Since I’m not with you anymore,” Harry spit out then pushed him aside and stormed out of the club.

So now he was mad, pissing drunk, annoyed and cold because he’d forgot his coat at the office. “This is why I don’t go out. This is why I don’t want to meet new people. Because as soon as I let my guard down, as soon as I start liking someone they disappoint me. If I’d wanted that I would’ve stayed with my family. This is why I work all the time because work can’t disappoint me or let me down. It’s always there for me,” Harry thought as he dashed toward the tube station.

      He flopped his head back on the seat and tried to relax to the gentle rocking motion of the tube car but his brain just wouldn’t shut off; by the time he left the underground his phone exploded with missed text messages, most from Niall.

      “Duuudee where are youuuuuu?” was the subject of 90% of them. Even Zayn texted him “what happened mate?” He was officially ignoring them as he made his way to his flat and scavenged his pantry for something to eat.  He fell asleep on the couch, box of ice cream melting on the glass coffee table; he hoped his cleaning lady was coming in the morning and he made a mental note to schedule a Tesco’s delivery ASAP.

      The next morning he woke up and his head was absolutely throbbing; “Fuck,” he said, rubbing his temples.  He picked up his phone to find more texts from Niall and Zayn, each subsequent one devolving into drunk speak. “H whre u? U pulled Houdini on us disapppred !” Niall texted him.  There was also one from a random number which Harry assumed was Nick because he was always changing his number because he gave it to every twink he met and then they wouldn’t leave him alone.  The text read:

      “What happened to you last night??”

      Harry slammed out a reply: “fuck off Nick, we r done, I’m not sucking your dick anymore!” then threw his phone to the end of the couch.

      A few seconds later he heard the “buzz buzz” of a reply so he sighed and picked it up.

      “This is Louis,” it read.

      Which…

      FUCK!

      Harry yanked the phone up and in the process, it tumbled down and plunked him right in the nose. “OW!” he exclaimed. His heart was beating a mile a minute as he replied “oh my god, sorry, thought you were my ex, saw him last night, he’s an ass. SORRY! How did u get my number?”

      “It’s okay. Got it from Niall” Louis replied quickly. “But what did happen to you last night? You disappeared?”

      Annoyed, Harry said: “just didn’t feel well, such a lightweight anymore. Thanks again for the drinks! Hope you had fun!” That last part was definitely a lie…

      “Okay.  It was alright. Glad you could make it & hope we can do it again soon !” Louis replied.

      “Well, that’s not gonna happen,” Harry thought but he just texted a thumbs-up emoji. Which was also a lie.

      He rolled himself into the shower, took two paracetemol and stumbled back into bed; he heard his cleaning lady arrive and hoped she brought food. When he woke up two hours later he found an entirely stocked refrigerator and made a mental note to give her a bonus this month.  He scarfed down a ridiculously unbalanced meal of frozen pizza, fries and more ice cream, then left to spend the rest of his day-and weekend-at work.

      Work was a constant in his life and Harry liked that.

      Work never let him down.

      Work never made him feel like shit.

      Work never pissed away money he gave to it.

      Work never ripped out his heart and stomped on it.

      Work was the only thing he could count on.

      He didn’t _need_ people or their bullshit feelings when he had WORK.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :D xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry acts like a dick.

Harry spent the next two weeks successfully avoiding Louis, even though he was still working on his case. He begged off on Louis’ favorite “working lunches” saying he was too busy and he worked late so he didn’t have to join them for an after-work beer.  Except for the occasional email to Louis detailing his research on the case, Harry had very little interaction with him. Which was the way he liked it.

      So imagine Harry’s surprise when-just like in his hypnosis and his dreams-Louis suddenly appeared in his office unannounced. Harry looked up one Friday afternoon and he was standing there, looking amazing, Harry had to admit. “Jesus, you need to put a bell on or something so I can hear you coming!” Harry exclaimed. “Did you ghost here or something?”

      Louis laughed softly, “no. Just got done meeting with Niall and Zayn. Why didn’t you join us?”

      “Because I’m, uh,”  


      “Busy,” Louis finished his sentence. “Yeah, I know.”  A long awkward pause followed and Harry started to feel uncomfortable about the entire situation.  Finally, Louis spoke:

      “Harry, do you know what I do?” he asked.

      Harry shrugged “make a lot of money?”

      Louis laughed again “No I MADE a lot of money but I’m not right now. Just spending it on legal bills.”

      Harry smiled.

      “But I observe people, learn their behaviors. Then I create my apps accordingly. That’s why level 105 on Farm Castle only gives you 22 moves when you need at least 25 to complete the board. By that point, people will be addicted to it and will pay for more moves and other bits to help them clear the board.”

      Now Harry was getting annoyed because where the hell was this going?

      “That’s why Grindr is designed the way it is, because the LGBTQ customer is quite different from the straight one, no pun intended,” Louis replied.

      Harry was anxious to get this conversation moving in a direction where he could keep up so he said pointedly, “And?!”  
      “I know why you work so much Harry; you do it so you don’t have to feel and experience the world around you because it’s just too much. Lemme guess: emotionally distant father, mother who both coddles you and bugs the shit out of you, one sibling who is not nearly as successful as you.  You’re the ‘golden boy’ but you don’t feel like it sometimes.”

      Which, WOW. “Look if I wanted to discuss that shit, I would go to a shrink.”

      “Well since I’m paying you to work on my case, consider it ‘free counseling’.  And you didn’t say I was _wrong_ ” Louis replied.

      Harry opened his mouth to tell Louis he could absolutely fuck off when Niall burst into his office, Zayn and Liam hot on his heels.  “You giant Irish dickhead, don’t you EVER knock?” Harry asked him and he was pretty sure Louis laughed.

      “Feck off, mate! Me, Jesy, and these two are goin a new bar down the street. Join us, lads!” Niall exclaimed.

      “I would love to,” Louis said then looked at Harry with pleading eyes.

      Which, NO. “Sorry, mates, I have to work,” he replied, Niall rolling his eyes.

      “You know, mate, one of these days I’m gonna stop asking you to go out with us just so I don’t have to hear you say ‘no’.” Niall observed.

      “Well I wish you would, that way I don’t have to _tell you_ ‘no’ anymore,” Harry replied, clearly annoyed with the entire situation.

      “Okay, see you lot later!” Niall yelled, Zayn and Liam trailing behind.

      “Well, I’m gonna go,” Louis said softly and Harry nodded.

      “Good,” Harry said and he thought he saw hurt flash across Louis’ face. “Later” and he motioned to the door. Louis closed it behind him.

      Now Harry was pissed off, annoyed, and slightly turned on because Louis looked hot as fuck sitting in his office. But he most certainly could’ve done without the arm-chair psychologist bullshit, even though he was 100% correct about Harry. Which. Fuck.

      Later, Harry convinced himself to join them at the bar so he took off his tie, unbuttoned his Ralph Lauren crisp white oxford a few buttons and trudged through the cold to meet them.  By the time he got there, Niall was wasted and hanging on Jesy and Zayn had his head tucked into Liam’s neck but Harry wasn’t sure if he was kissing it or whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

      When he sat down, Louis looked relieved to have someone to talk to and patted him on the back saying “Glad you could join us! Lemme get you a beer” and Niall perked up to talk to Harry.  When Louis returned there was a weird tension between them and it made Harry uncomfortable but he tried to ignore it.  He pointed to Zayn and said “so what’s going on with you two?” just to have some conversation to focus on, one that wasn’t about him.

      After listening to Zayn sputter on and try to explain him and Liam’s “relationship” Harry had decided they were much more than just friends and were most likely fucking. Which was pretty depressing if he was being honest.  Louis tried to engage Harry in conversation but Harry simply nodded or gave one word answers and refused to elaborate.  Finally Niall swooped in to save the day and asked Louis if he’d ever been to Ireland and since that was Niall’s favorite subject they talked about that for ages.  Long enough for Harry to finish two more beers, so now he was buzzed and bored. Fabulous.  He excused himself to use the restroom which took a lot longer than he initially hoped because he ran into one of his law school mates who works at a competing firm.  When he got back, everyone was gone, money thrown about the table haphazardly; Harry silently hoped they’d given the waitress enough.

      So, fuck this, Harry thought, grabbing his coat to leave; as he walked out the door he heard Louis’ voice say “mum, gotta go, love you, later” and then he said “Harry, wait!”

      Harry ignored him and kept walking as Louis struggled to keep up with him. “Why is your first response to everything to just leave?”

      Now Harry stopped in his tracks. “What?” he yelled.

      “I left the table for five minutes to take a phone call and you just bolted,” Louis explained.

      “Niall & Jesy are getting it on somewhere, Liam and Zayn are doing God knows what so when I come back to an empty table, what am I supposed to think?” Harry asked angrily then returned to his march to the tube.

      He heard Louis say “Harry! Harry, please!” as he took off after him; he eventually caught up with him and Harry felt him grab his wrist and spin him around.

      Harry ripped his arm out of Louis’ hand and screeched “what the hell do you WANT from me?”

      Louis picked up Harry’s hand again before he could reject him and pulled him into an alcove on the side of the street.  He pressed him against the wall and smashed his lips into Harry’s and as much as Harry wanted to pull away from the kiss, he relented when Louis plunged his tongue into his mouth.  Fuck, he tasted so good, as his tongue darted down Harry’s throat hungrily, notes of whiskey and cigarettes filling Harry’s mouth.  Harry flopped his head against the door as Louis licked up his neck and pressed his hard dick into Harry’s leg “Jesus, fuck you’re so fit, been wanting to do that for a while,” Louis moaned and Harry knew if he grabbed his bum, he would never ever let go.

      So he did what he always does: he ran away, pushing Louis aside and making a beeline for the Tube station, Louis hot on his heels.  He caught up with him at the top of the stairs and he heard him say softly “sorry, Harry.”

      “Sorry? SORRY!?” Harry yelled.  “Sorry doesn’t cut it. Sorrys are empty promises. Sorrys are ‘im sorry you didn’t like what I just did but im not sorry I did it’. That’s all I ever hear from anyone: SORRY!”

      Louis looked shocked and hurt but Harry continued. “And you have the nerve to psycho-analyze ME when you’re the one calling your mum at this hour on a Friday night! You mama’s boy! And if you’re so good at ‘observing’ people lemme tell you what you’re gonna do: you’re gonna _observe_ me walking down those stairs and into the Tube. Then I’m gonna return to my lovely Hempstead Heath flat-ALONE-where I don’t have to deal with any of this bullshit!”

      And with that, Harry turned on his heel, popped the collar on his YSL wool coat and ran down the stairs, leaving Louis staring holes into his back.

      When he woke up the next morning, he felt like shit, even though he’d only drank a few beers. He also wanted a cigarette in the worst way so he grabbed a pack he found in his jacket pocket and perched on his balcony; his cleaning lady hated when he smoked inside.  As he puffed on his third cigarette, his phone buzzed and when he looked it said: LOUIS

      Harry swiped open his phone, already feeling stressed by what it would say, probably another “sorry” or some such bullshit, but when he read it he almost fell off his chair:

      _I thought that was you in the club who I was dancing with the other night. But it wasn’t :(_ _  
_

      That was it. That’s all it said. But it made Harry want to jump off the balcony in the hopes he could fly.  Because

      FUCK

            This was getting much too real much too quickly for Harry’s liking and when things got real, Harry got scared. So he pulled away, distanced himself from whatever was freaking him out.  But things were complicated because the “freaking out” part was being caused by a client whom he had to work with for the next fuck-all knows how long.  Normally when that happened he just left or moved on or ignored their calls but this?

       This was complicated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis likes Harry but Harry's not so sure....

Maybe he could remove himself from the case, that way he wouldn’t have to see or talk to Louis again? Yes, that’s what he would do and he made plans to talk to Jack on Monday to request that. Problem solved. Except now his lungs felt like an elephant was sitting on them because he’d just inhaled more cigarettes in one hour than he’d had in months.

      DOUBLE FUCK

      About an hour later, his head still spinning, his lungs still heaving, Harry got a text from his sister: gonna be in London over the weekend for Jake’s karate tourney. Can we see u?

      Ugh. He loved his sister-really he did-but she annoyed the crap out of him sometimes. However, he would put up with her and her husband’s stupidity if it meant seeing his niece and nephew.  He texted back: sure. Need a place to stay? He silently hoped they didn’t but he was being polite.

      No, got a hotel near the tourney. Be there tomorrow afternoon xx she texted back, much to Harry’s relief.

      Harry debated texting Louis back but decided to not say anything and just leave well enough alone.  He tidied himself up and went off to his sanctuary and worked for the rest of the day.  And part of the next. Then he met his sister at the tournament and his niece and nephew came up and gave him a big hug. “Hi monkeys!” he said, squeezing them tightly.  “Hi Uncle Harry! We missed you!”

      “I missed you too! Now, who’s up for ice cream after this?” Harry said and they both yelled “ME!”

      “Good! Now go kick some butt, Jake!” and he high-fived him then took Olivia’s hand to find their seats.

      As Harry sat in the stands he looked around the crowd and he could’ve sworn he saw Louis.

      Which.

      NO.

      What the fuck would he be doing here? Harry wondered, but didn’t have time to look for him because Jake’s match was coming up soon.  After he won, Gemma and Olivia went to find him and Harry excused himself to go to the concession stand.  While he was stuffing his face, he thought he saw Louis again. “What the fuck?” Harry wondered, so he decided to follow “him” but of course he couldn’t find him.  He hadn’t been to hypnotherapy for a few weeks but maybe he needed to go back?

      Monday morning he made an appointment with Dr. Carl for later in the week then met with Jack to talk about Louis’ case.  Harry made up some ridiculous excuse that he wasn’t sure Jack was buying but he said:

      “Well, Harry, you’re one of our best lawyers and I’m sorry you want to remove yourself from the case. I know Louis will be disappointed,” Jack remarked.

      Which: WHAT? “Yes, well, sorry about that but I’m just swamped with everything else.  So I’ll talk to Niall and Zayn about what I’m working on right now then hand it off to them,” Harry replied.

      Jack stood up to shake his hand. “Okay, good. Thanks, Harry, you’re a great lawyer and we really appreciate all you do for us.”

      Harry nodded and said “thanks,” then made his way back to his office.

      He worked most of the morning on tying up his loose ends on Louis’ case so he could meet with Niall and Zayn after lunch.  When he told them what he was doing, they were disappointed but he also knew they would get over it in about 0.2 seconds.  By early evening, Harry was sat at his desk, slowly trudging through the stacks of folders on his desk when he looked up and saw Louis. And was that disappointment all over his face?!

      “Uh, hi,” Harry said uncomfortably. “I really do need to get you a bell.  Or some Tic Tacs to put in your pocket so I can hear you coming.”

      “Harry,” Louis said softly. “John told me you’re no longer working on my case. Why?” And he flashed Harry those pleading baby blues that he wanted to get lost in. But…

      NO.

      “You know, just,” Harry started.

      “Busy,” Louis finished his sentence. “Yeah, I know. Heard it all before.” And was that disdain in his voice? Or just more disappointment?

      Harry pretended to ignore the tone of his voice and said in a very formal voice “Ni and Z are excellent lawyers and they will handle your case appropriately.”

      Louis nodded. “I know it’s just that I want YOU working on it with them.”

      “Look, it’s just business,” Harry remarked. “No hard feelings, huh?”

      “Hmmm,” Louis said. “Sure,” but Harry wasn’t convinced he meant it. 

“Harry did you get that text I sent you over the weekend?” Louis asked pointedly.

Harry felt his mouth go dry. “Yes,” he replied flatly.

“And?” Louis asked leadingly. “You never responded though.”

Harry shrugged as if it meant nothing to him-but it really, really did. He was completely freaked out by it which was why he removed himself from Louis’ case and, oh fuck it-“And I don’t know what you want me to say, Louis. You have every right to grind on whomever you want in a dark club. It’s none of my business.” He lied.

“Well it _is_ your business, Harry, because I thought-I wanted it to be-you I was dancing with. But when I realized it wasn’t, you’d left.” Louis explained.

And, shit, this was getting way, way too personal for Harry’s tastes so he cleared his throat in an effort to change the subject so he asked: “this is a weird question, but what were you doing yesterday?”

      “I was at home. All day. In Doncaster. Why?” Louis asked.

      Harry shook his head, “nothing. Just never mind. Could you close the door when you leave? I’m”

      “Busy, right, got it,” Louis said, not bothering to look back at Harry when he left.

      Harry met with Dr. Carl later that week and admitted to smoking _and_ seeing Louis at the karate match.  They did the hypnosis then Dr. Carl said “Harry this might sound strange but do you think when you ‘see’ this guy but he’s not there that he’s acting as your conscious?”

      So he really WAS Dory from “Finding Nemo”? Harry mused.

      “I’m not sure what you mean,” Harry replied.

      “From what you say, he turns up in the weirdest places. Like at the karate match. How were you feeling when you were there?” Dr. Carl asked.

      “Stressed because my sister was there-but that went okay. And annoyed at myself for having feelings for Louis. So essentially, I was a mess that day,” Harry admitted.

      “Hmm, that’s what I suspected. Perhaps you ‘see’ Louis when you need to relax and/or to listen to your inner voice?”

      Harry chuckled softly “so when I see him but he’s not really there it’s my mind’s way of telling me to get my head outta my arse and deal with my feelings instead of running away from them?”

      “Well, if you want to put in that context, then, yes,” Dr. Carl said.

      “Hmmmm,” Harry said thinking perhaps Dr. Carl was a quack after all.

Harry saw Louis in the hallway during the week and every time he walked by his office, he could’ve sworn he saw him send him a pleading look. Or maybe that was pity splashed across his face? Which he 5000% didn’t need, especially not from Louis fucking Tomlinson.  By Friday afternoon, Niall and Zayn were already planning their Friday-night drunk fest and Harry, of course, ignored them. “Fucking hell, mate,” Zayn said. “You’re twenty-fucking-four years old. Live a little!”

      “Can’t, sorry,” Harry apologized but he really didn’t mean it then went back to work.

      At 17:30, he saw Niall, Zayn, Jesy & Liam walk by his office waving to him and laughing as they made their way to the lobby and out to party.  Harry sighed loudly to himself and was startled when he heard the soft tinkling of a bell.

      “Ding” he heard then looked up to see Louis in his office, holding a small bell.

      “Um, hi,” Harry said.

      “Hi, found my own bell, brought it with me to announce me arrival,” Louis replied, waving the bell again.

      “That’s very nice of you,” Harry remarked dryly as he saw Louis shut his office door and sit down at the chair across from his desk.

      “Glad you think so,” Louis replied, tucking his left leg under his right and leaning back in the chair.  Harry was starting to feel uncomfortable again as Louis stared out the window, seemingly deep in thought.  After a prolonged silence he said:

      “Harry, she’s sick.”

      Which, WHAT?  Harry looked around anxiously as if he was supposed to know who or what Louis was talking about. “Um, who?’ he asked.

      “My mum. You called me a ‘mama’s boy’ the other night because I was talking to her but she’d called me to let me know she had a ride home to Donny the next day. Stage IV breast cancer.  That’s why I’m only in London occasionally because I bring her here for cutting-edge therapy that they’re hoping will save her life.  That’s why I have to do afternoon meetings while she’s in treatment.  When she’s here we stay in my flat in Hempstead which is why I go out sometimes. To let off some steam. It’s stressful to deal with to say the least.”

      Well now Harry felt like an absolute arse and slammed his head into his hands and when he pulled them away he said “Fuck, Louis, I’m…”

      “Sorry? Yeah, I know,” Louis nodded. “Everyone is ‘sorry’,” he said teasingly. Then he got very serious: “But no one really knows what it’s like.  I’m an only child so I’m all she’s got. And she’s all I’ve got these days,” and he smiled wistfully.  “I mean, I’ve all the money in the world and it might not be enough to save the one person who means more to me than all of it,” he finished and Harry swore he choked up at the end.

      Which. F-U-C-K. Harry didn’t deal well with emotional people, though he did have a lot of practice with it. But he wasn’t made of steel and he felt like a complete arse for what he said to Louis the other night. And for Louis’ situation because it really, really sucked.  “Louis I don’t know what to say except I want to apologize for being an arsehole the other night. I was drunk and mad and I just…acted like a prat.”

      Louis waved his hand around and said “apology accepted. What’s done is done, no changing the past, only the future.  You know, it is what it is, Harry, right?”  Harry nodded, not completely sure what he was referring to but…

      “I think so too which is why I have that tattooed on my chest,” Louis said and bent over, pulling down his tshirt to reveal his gorgeous collarbones with the words “It IS What It Is” tattooed across them in script lettering.  Harry was immensely turned on by the sight of them but he tried to control his reaction to the “that’s cool” level and not the “I-wanna-lick-whiskey-out-of-your-collarbones” level.

      “Wow, cool,” Harry remarked. “I don’t have tattoos but that looks like it hurt.”

      Louis laughed. “It hurt like a son-of-a-bitch! But it was a small amount of pain compared to what my mum is going through so it was worth it. She’s worth it,” he said, pushing himself up off the chair with his hands.  “Ok, well, now I’m hungry so I’m gonna go grab a bite to eat because me mum is back in Donny for the night. Sorry for the depressing story.”

      Harry shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Um, can I join you? For dinner, I mean.”

      Louis raised an eyebrow at him. “You sure? You’re not too,”

      “Busy?” Harry finished his sentence. “No. I’ve cleared my schedule.”

      “Well, sure! I’d love the company!” Louis agreed, smiling.  Finally, Harry exhaled as he gathered his coat and locked his office.

      “This is the earliest I’ve left this place in months,” Harry remarked and Louis looked at him quizzically.  “There’s a tiny out-of-the-way pub about two blocks from here they’ve got great food and cold Guinness,” Harry suggested.

      “Perfect,” Louis agreed and they started their trudge down the block.

      When they arrived, Harry insisted on paying for everything in an attempt to fix his arseholeness from the other night.  He ordered a Guinness and a shot of Irish whiskey for both of them and when they arrived, Louis held both in his hands and said “here’s to starting over!”  Harry clinked his glasses as they both drained the whiskey down their throats then chased it with a drink of the stout beer.  Harry wiped the foam off his mouth and asked “what’re we ‘starting over’?”

      “Us,” Louis replied and winked at Harry.

      Which.

      OH.

      “Well, ya gotta start somewhere I guess?” Harry said lightly, trying to lighten the mood. 

      “Harry, why are you a lawyer?” Louis asked.

      “Because I like it,” Harry said, trying to sound convincing.

      Louis gave him a “yeah, right!” look so Harry said “I make a ton of money. I bill by the hour so the more I work, the more I get paid. Simple, really,” and he shrugged.

      “Well you’re good at what you do, I mean it,” Louis said and Harry smiled.

      ‘”Thanks. How did you get into all of this?” Harry asked, waving his hand around.

      “Kind of a funny story. I was always good with computers then me and my college roommate took a computer programming course and after a lot of trial and error, came up with the Farm Castle app. Which made us a ton of money.  Then since we were now, uh, more than friends, we developed Grindr and, well, you know how that ended.” Louis explained.

      Harry nodded.

      “But when he filed that lawsuit, he also ruined my love life because we were engaged before all of this went down. So not only did he try to destroy my company he also broke my heart,” Louis said, his voice soft.

      “Wow, I didn’t know that,” Harry said.

      “Not many people do, to be honest. Tried to keep that out of the press. The last thing I need is that splashed all over the gossip rags.”

      At that moment, Harry’s phone rang and since it was sitting on the table, Louis could see that it flashed: MUM. Harry hit the silent button on  the side and ignored her call. “Aren’t you gonna answer that?” Louis asked.

      “No,” Harry said simply.

      “Why not?” Louis asked.

      “Cause I don’t wanna talk to her right now. I’m…”

      “Busy?” Louis said. “Bet she hears that a lot.”

      “She does,” Harry admitted.

      “You’re interesting, Harry Styles,” Louis said smiling.

      “I’ve been called a lot of things in my life but ‘interesting’ is not one of them,” Harry replied.

      “Well, I’m not sure if that’s a compliment to be honest. I don’t know much about you, Harry, but I know your type: emotionally distant, workaholic, driven to succeed at all costs.  I dated ‘you’, hell I was ‘you’ for quite some time but I’m not anymore. It’s not worth it, the sacrifices you have to make at the expense of the people you love. I bet you haven’t seen your family in months.”

“You know, you should really start charging for your shrink services,” Harry replied snarkily. “Maybe you could start making money again.”

“Hmm, maybe,” Louis replied, staring at Harry. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

Harry thought for a second then replied “I saw my sister and niece and nephew just the other day,” he told him, failing to mention that they came to London, not him going to Cheshire. And he _hadn’t_ seen his parents in months.

“What about your parents?” Louis asked.

“Louis, honestly, I don’t want to talk about them. Why do you want to know?” Harry demanded.

Louis shrugged. “Just curious.”

“Hmm, well, can you be curious about something else besides my family? Cause they are not my favorite topic,” Harry suggested.

“Sure! Let’s talk about you!” Louis exclaimed.

“That’s not what I meant. I don’t wanna talk about me either. I’m boring, my life’s shitty but it’s because I make it shitty. Next subject,” Harry said, dismissively.

Louis sighed. “Fine. Where did you go to uni?”

      “Ok, I’ll talk about that,” Harry said then launched into a story about his uni experience, leaving out the part where he was thisclose to being homeless and had to bunk with a mate for a few weeks because his parents stopped sending money. Because they didn’t have it.  That was his first year and he had to scramble to get a job to support himself and he hadn’t stopped working since.  He would never again be dependent on anyone after that. Especially not his parents.  “So uni was fun, for sure. I was an English lit major, had aspirations to be a writer but writing doesn’t pay the bills. So law school it was!” he finished.

      “You live in Hempstead?” Harry asked, attempting to shift the conversation away from him.

      Louis nodded. “Yeah just bought a flat there about a month ago. Makes it easier to take mum to her appointments and to conduct my business and see my lawyers,” he smiled at Harry.

      “So you bought a flat in one of the most expensive areas of London just for ‘convenience’?” Harry asked incredulously.

      “Uh, yeah. Where was I supposed to buy it? The slums?? And it’s easier than getting a hotel room every time we’re here because we seem to be here a lot”

      “No, that’s not what I meant.”

      “I know, I was just teasing you, Harry Styles,” Louis teased.  “How long have you had your flat?”

      “Couple of years. After I made my first million I bought it. Real estate is a good investment, you know?” Harry bragged.

      “Every time I see you all you talk about is your money. Did you know that?” Louis asked.

      Which. Fuck. “Uh, no, I didn’t know that,” Harry answered anxiously.

      “Money isn’t everything,” Louis reminded him.

      Which. Yes it was, at least to Harry. It was his entire life. It kept him warm and fed and alive, quite frankly.

      They were now on their third beer and Harry was feeling tipsy to say the least.

      “Harry did you like it when I kissed you the other night?” Louis asked.

      Harry almost spit out his beer. “I have never met anyone so direct in my life. Usually, people I talk to dance around the subject until I have to start asking _them_ questions. I’m a lawyer after all.  And yes. I did like it. What’s not to like? Why?” He asked.

      Louis shrugged. “Well after we kissed you ran off, yelled at me and called me a ‘mama’s boy’. So I wasn’t sure.”

      Without going into why he bolted, Harry just said uncomfortably, “uh, yeah.”

      They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes when Louis whipped out a pack of cigarettes and said “do you mind if I smoke?”

      Harry licked his lips because of course he didn’t mind; in fact he wanted one. But, NO. “Sure, go ahead,” then Harry had to watch Louis wrapping his perfect lips around a cigarette, taking a long drag then blowing it out slowly. Fuck, it was hot.

      “It’s a bad habit, I only do it when I smoke and not around me mum obviously,” Louis admitted

      The waitress brought their check and Harry paid as Louis finished his cigarette. “I should probably go,” Harry admitted and Louis said “well we’re both going the same direction, I’ll share the Tube with you” and they left the bar to make their way to the Tube station.  Louis started telling a funny story that had Harry in stitches laughing by the time they reached the station; he continued it once they sat down, throwing ridiculous faces to go along with the story.  Harry laughed so hard he was almost crying as Louis’ blue eyes lit up in response.  When his stop came, Harry held out his hand to shake “It’s been fun, Louis Tomlinson,” and Louis grabbed it, pressed a kiss to his cheek and practically danced out of the car. “Always!” he replied, waving.

            When Harry got home, he hopped in the shower and had a vigorous wank thinking about coming in Louis’ collarbones then bending him over and fucking him hard. Because he knew at that point he really, really wanted to have sex with Louis, more than anything in the world; he bet he was an amazing fuck. But he also knew he really, really didn’t want a relationship with him because that just wasn’t Harry’s “style”. Too many emotions involved, too much pain, too much hassle.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis pushes to get to know Harry better, Harry runs away. And acts like a complete twat in the process.

The next morning-Saturday-Harry returned to work and was deep into his second stack of folders when he received a text from Louis: wanna grab lunch? I hear there’s a great curry place around here

      Can’t, at work, Harry replied.

      Oh well, Louis replied.

      About an hour later, Harry lifted his head up to see Louis standing outside his office. He wasn’t sure if it was actually him or the hypnosis-induced-fake-Louis but when he knocked and wiggled a take away bag of food, Harry knew he was real and motioned for him to come inside.

      “What are you doing here?” Harry asked.

      “Mum had to go in for a treatment so I thought I’d bring you lunch!” Louis explained

      This made Harry uncomfortable but he was thankful for the food so he just said “thanks” and sat back down at his desk.  Louis also brought two beers and popped them open quickly, Harry raising an eyebrow at him. “Louis it’s the middle of the afternoon” he mentioned and Louis just shrugged.  As Harry ate, Louis did most of the talking and Harry did most of the laughing.  When he finished, Harry excused himself to the restroom and Louis decided he had to go too; as they were “shaking” a bit of Harry’s pee splashed onto Louis’ hand and Louis yelped.

      “Oops,” Harry said calmly

      “Jesus, Styles, you’re a mess,” Louis chided, walking over to the sink to wash his hands.  As he did, Harry pressed himself to Louis’ back and ducked his head into Louis’ neck to kiss it.  Louis responded by tilting his neck over so Harry could nip and suck up and down his neck, from just under his ear to his collarbone; Harry peeked in the mirror and saw Louis’ eyes closed in pleasure and his dick started getting hard in response.

      Louis turned around to face Harry and immediately pushed his tongue into his mouth and pulled Harry’s hips into his, hard dicks rubbing together. “Fuck,” Harry breathed out because Louis tasted amazing, with hints of curry, cranberry beer and cigarettes; Louis replied by rubbing his hand over Harry’s dick which was attempting to bust out of his trousers.  When he did, Harry moaned so Louis reached into his pants to stroke the tip of his dick.

      Which.

      WOW.

      Louis had merely touched him, kissed him and Harry felt like he was on fire and he wanted more and more of it.  Louis pushed him against the wall, unzipping his pants as they fumbled backwards and when Harry’s back hit the wall, Louis dropped to his knees.  He looked up at Harry through his long eyelashes and beautiful baby blue eyes then he _licked his lips_ and Harry knew if Louis didn’t put his mouth on him in the next five seconds he was going to explode.

      “Louis, fuck,” he said softly as Louis tugged his jeans and boxers down quickly, his hard dick now directly in front of Louis’ face.

      “Jesus, you’re huge, Harry,” Louis remarked as he trailed his tongue around the tip of Harry’s dick.  He smiled softly because he’d been told that before and he took pride in it. A lot of pride in it. But he refocused himself when Louis dipped his mouth over the top of Harry’s dick and slid his gorgeous red lips over his shaft.

      A low guttural groan escaped Harry’s mouth as Louis took almost all of him in one gasp then bobbed his head quickly up and down.  It was wet and sloppy and beautiful to watch.  Harry instinctively flicked his hips up and Louis responded with an “mmmmm” which…

      FUCK

      Harry had to brace himself against the wall as Louis started taking long, slow licks up and down his shaft, then softly grabbed his balls with his hand. “God, shit, fuck, Louis, so fucking good,” Harry moaned as Louis squeezed the base of his dick and brought his mouth down to meet his hand.  Then his hand and mouth worked in tandem motion, up, down, up, down, slobber and spit and pre-come mixing together to make a slick surface and provided a lot of beautiful friction.

      “Uh, ah, oh, god, fuck, don’t stop,” Harry yelled out and Louis didn’t stop, in fact he picked up the pace of his hand and mouth until Harry’s knees buckled so he was half-sitting against the wall.  Louis hadn’t said much during the entire encounter, but when Harry was close he looked back up at Harry through hooded eyelids and said “come for me” and squeezed the top of his dick, just below the tip.

      Harry came right then and as the cum shot out, Louis would lick it, even up his happy-trail on his stomach.  Harry was speechless and sweaty as Louis got up off his knees and pulled Harry in for a kiss.  “You look beautiful like this,” Louis whispered “cheeks flush, cum on your stomach, sweaty curls stuck to your face.”

      That was a bit too intimate for Harry-usually the twinks he let blow him left after this part-but he appreciated the compliment so he reached into Louis’ trackies and started rubbing his hard dick with his hand. And he was huge too, though Harry was hesitant to tell him that.

      “Fuck, Harry, make me come,” Louis demanded, pressing his tongue into Harry’s mouth.

      “Trying to,” Harry muttered, pushing his hand up and over Louis’ dick and back down quickly and roughly

      After a few minutes, Louis threw his head back and groaned so Harry knew he was close; Harry ducked his head into his neck and sucked while he squeezed up his dick. “Fuck, yeah,” Louis breathed.

      “Yeah, come,” Harry encouraged and with one last tug of his dick, Louis came in Harry’s hand and it was brilliant, as if Harry’s dreams were coming true (no pun intended).  But now that they had, Harry was ready to leave but Louis apparently wanted to cuddle as he pulled him in for a hug and a kiss. Harry complied, Louis cooing about how amazing Harry was, which who was he to tell him differently?

      As they separated and pulled up their pants, Harry washed his hands and Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist for a hug, which

      NO

      Harry gently pulled Louis’ arm away from his waist as he reached for a towel and gave him a closed-lip smile. “Ready?” he asked, trying to sound enthusiastic. He hoped it was working.

      Louis fake pouted and said “not really. But okay.”

      Granted it was cute, if a bit clingy.  Harry brushed by Louis on his way out the door and Louis tried to grab his hand in the hallway to his office; Harry pulled away quickly, reaching for his phone, pretending to check it.  When they got to his office, an awkward silence followed because Harry wanted Louis to leave and he got the impression Louis wanted to stay.

      Thankfully, Louis got the hint as he started cleaning up the curry boxes and said “well, I gotta go pick up me mum,” and he came around the desk and pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek.  Harry didn’t “do” goodbyes so this was awkward.  “Talk to you soon?” Louis asked and Harry nodded, quickly getting back to work.

      Over the next twenty-four hours, Louis texted Harry quite a few times, with Harry only responding to a handful of them because it was all getting to be a bit too much, quite frankly.  Louis had an amazing mouth but it wasn’t Harry’s first-or last-blow job so he didn’t know why they had to keep reliving it via text message.

Sunday evening, Niall texted him to meet the crew at a new, hip bar/club in downtown London.

But tomorrow is Monday you dumb Irish git, Harry replied.

It’s a bank holiday u wanker ! Now COME WITH US! Niall replied.

“Shit, I forgot I have tomorrow off,” Harry thought. “Even though I will still go into work…”

He decided to meet them there as Louis continued to text him, even asking him what he was doing that evening. “Nothing, boring,” Harry replied, lying his ass off for reasons he couldn’t completely explain.

“Hmm, okay,” Louis replied and stopped texting him which Harry found to be a relief.

By the time he arrived at the club, Niall, Jesy, Zayn and Liam were three drinks ahead of him so Harry pounded whiskey & diet pepsi quickly to catch up. Then Niall kept ordering round after round of Jameson’s shots so it wasn’t long before Harry was seriously fucked up.  The thumping music lured them out onto the dance floor and as the two couples paired off, Harry found himself alone. Until a handsome stranger handed him a drink and moved in to dance with Harry; pretty soon they were grinding on each other, hips sliding together in sync as Harry downed a Screwdriver. He hated Vodka but this went smoothly down his throat; as did the stranger’s tongue soon after Harry finished his drink.    

He was buzzed with excitement, the music and sexual tension because this guy was hot as hell and Harry wanted to get to know him. Physically, of course, not emotionally. After another drink, the stranger pushed Harry against a pole on the dance floor and grinded his hips into Harry’s, dipping his head into Harry’s neck.  Harry could feel his dick getting hard, which was good because Harry was too; a few minutes and more than a few drunk kisses later, Harry pulled him into the bathroom stall.

Thankfully, Harry didn’t have to say a word as the guy dropped to his knees and put his mouth around Harry’s cock, which felt good, no doubt, but surprisingly, not as good as Louis’. But Harry didn’t have the time to think about that now because he was getting sucked off.  After he came, the guy stood up and jerked off onto Harry’s stomach which was fine because Harry was none too keen to touch him.

They both stumbled drunkly back onto the dance floor and to the bar for another drink; as they waited to get served, Harry peered down the bar and thought he saw Louis but he was pretty sure it was another one of his hallucinations. He was definitely drunk enough to have those right now; Stranger guy handed Harry a drink then pulled him back in to suck on his neck.  Harry flipped his hair out of the way and when he did, he saw Louis-at least he thought it was him behind his beer goggles-flip him off.

He pushed the guy off him and scrambled to find Niall; “Louis is here,” Harry yelled over the din of the thumping techno music.

“I know, I invited him,” Niall yelled. “But I think he left now after he saw you” and he nodded to the bar.

Fuck no.

Harry made a beeline for the door-and he wasn’t sure why-but as he fell out of the front door, he found Louis puffing on a cigarette. When Louis saw Harry, he flicked his cigarette on the ground angrily and flipped Harry the bird again, saying loudly “what the fuck, Harry?”

Harry was wasted so he slurred “don know Louisss, youz tells meeees”

“What the fuck were you doing with that twink in there?” he yelled then lowered his voice to say “I guess what we did yesterday meant nothing to you?”

Harry’s drunkenness made it difficult for him to control the volume of his voice “you gabe me a blow job, Louisss & so did that guy in dere! Do you want a medal for it? Or should we just get married instead?!”

PUSH PEOPLE AWAY THAT’S WHAT HARRY DOES

“Oh, fuck off Harry! You’re a tosser! I can’t believe I was ever interested in you!” Louis yelled and people were starting to stare at them.

“Go fuck yourself, Tomlinson!” Harry yelled back. “You’re so desperate and needy you’d suck anyone’s dick just so you could cuddle and spoon afterwords! But that’s not how it works in my world!”

“EXCUSE ME?!” Louis shrieked.

“You’re needy and clingy. Did I slurrrr my werds?” Harry pressed him as he, in fact, did slur his words.

PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY IS WHAT HE’S GOOD AT

“Well you’re a slag so go put your dick in twenty guys at the club for all I care,” Louis replied then turned on his heel to leave.

“Maybe I will!” Harry shouted after him and now everyone outside was staring at them like they’d just seen a lovers’ quarrel. “Kay, show’s over,” Harry said to them as he went back inside to find Niall.  Luckily his twink stranger had disappeared so Harry bellied up to the bar to start knocking back shots. Niall sidled up to him soon after and Harry muttered “fuck him, Ni”

“Sorry I invited him, didn’t think he’d come,” Niall said apologetically.

Harry shook his head “not your fault. Had a good time til he showed up,” Harry admitted.  “Now at least he won’t text me every fifteen minutes.”

Niall smacked him on the back. “Thought that was what you wanted?”

“No. Never.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna take Jesy home. You’ll be okay?” Niall asked.

“Yeah, go, I’mma finish these then take the Tube home,” Harry told him.

The next thing Harry remembered is waking up on his bed, fully clothed, head pounding, his mouth feeling like it was full of cotton. He had a dull ringing in his ears from the loud music in the club and his stomach was sticky from the stranger’s cum dried on it.  He honestly felt like a giant tub of greased shit; he managed to find his phone which was about to die and saw that it was almost noon.

Which. Great.

Then when he swiped open his phone he noticed five text messages from Gemma.

Which. Fuck. What did she want??

The last one read: Harry Styles, answer your god damned phone!

Which. Shit.

He’d noticed her trying to call him all week but he’d been busy and didn’t feel like dealing with her bullshit on top of his own. But for however flaky she was, Gemma was also bossy and meant business when she needed to so Harry was pretty sure this was her final warning with him. Next thing she’d show up on Harry’s door step with her latest sob story & Harry most certainly didn’t want that.

So he called her and she picked up on the first ring.

“You bloody plonker, why the fuck can’t you answer your god damned phone?” she yelled, not bothering to say “hi”

“Gemma, please stop yelling, my head is pounding, I’ve got a hangover from hell. What do you want?” Harry pleaded.

Gemma launched into a tirade about how irresponsible and stupid Harry was and, well, this could wait Harry thought. “Gemma,” he interrupted her, “get to the point. Please.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Harry! You daft arsehole. It’s mum!” she finally stated.

Harry sat up in bed, his head spinning and feeling like he was going to vomit. “What’s going on with mum, Gems?” Harry’s voice getting anxious.

“She left dad, you twit. She’s been living with me for the past week. And if your head wasn’t so far up your arsehole that you couldn’t answer your bloody phone…” she said and Harry cut her off again.

“WHAT?! When? Why? What the fuck is going on Gemma?” Harry was beyond annoyed to the point of getting pissed off now.

Gemma sighed. “Mum came home from work early the other day and found dad in bed with Carole!”

Harry’s mind was reeling. “Mum’s-best-friend-for-twenty-years, Carole?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes!” Gemma replied, her voice getting increasingly louder and shriller.

Harry ran his hand through his disheveled hair “so, fuck, what did she do?” he asked.

“Mum yelled at both of them, said dad was like a dog with two dicks and left. She’s been with us ever since,” Gemma explained. “She _needs you_ , Harry. I need you. My kids need you. You’re the glue who holds this family together and we are coming apart at the seams right now. Please come home.”

His mother being an emotional wreck was nothing new to Harry but this was a special circumstance and the thought of his niece and nephew being upset about all of this was enough to make his skin crawl.   Harry’s brain attempted to formulate a plan: “Gems, I have the day off but I don’t know how long I can stay. Gotta check with work I guess? I need to take a shower then I’ll catch the train.”

“Don’t you have a car that goes like three times faster than the train?” Gemma asked.

“Yes I do, Gemma,” and he emphasized her name. “But I’m hungover as fuck right now and don’t feel like driving. I’d rather sit on the train and try to sleep.”

She huffed out a breath. “Fine. Just hurry.”

Harry hung up the phone and moved as quickly as he could into the shower, popping pain meds like candy, chugging sports drinks and Red Bull like it was his job. Which.

On his way to the train station, he called Niall to tell him what was going on, then Jack to explain his absence. “Sure, Harry, take as much time as you need with your family,” Jack said and Harry thanked him for being so understanding.  He rarely-if ever-took a personal day so he hoped everyone would understand.  He threw his rucksack into the train seat then promptly nodded off to sleep, welcoming the calm before the storm that awaited him in Cheshire.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my story! :D xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry deals with his crazy family but learns a lesson or two about himself in the process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

When he woke up, he felt slightly better but his head was still pounding and when he sat up and looked around he could’ve sworn he saw Louis walk by.

“Fucking hell I really AM losing my bloody mind,” Harry mumbled, gathering his rucksack and making his way to the station to meet Stephen and Gemma. The kids ran up to him, yelling “Uncle Harry!!” and giving him hugs.

He gave Gemma a hug and shook Stephen’s hand as they piled into their car to go back to their house.  The kids talked constantly about school and karate and their new bunny rabbit, so much that he couldn’t get a word in edgewise.  As they pulled into the car park, Jake said “Uncle Harry, Nana is sad lately. Can you make her smile?”

Harry kissed his cheek. “I’m gonna try.”

His mum was sat on the couch absentmindedly scrolling through the channels, eyes a million miles away. When Harry walked into the house, she ran up and hugged him tightly then started talking a mile a minute about what happened and how she was dealing with it-which she wasn’t _at all_ -she still wanted her husband back, and how she could get him back, and….fuck….Harry wanted a cigarette. BADLY.

Finally, it was supper time so Harry could finally listen to someone else talk besides his mother.  “So Stephen, do you like your new job?” Harry asked over spaghetti Bolognese.

“Yeah no more street musician for me.  I’ve only worked there three months and they’ve already promoted me to assistant manager. Plus I get benefits and Starbucks lets me set my schedule so I can pick up the kids from school when Gems has a massage appointment,” he replied.

“It’s great,” Gemma piped up. “Now we won’t lose the house and things are looking up for us. We promise to start paying you back that money you loaned us.”

Harry waved his hand “it’s no big deal, Gems,” even though it really was.

After dinner, he promised his mum that he would go talk to his dad and as much as he didn’t want to he knew he had to.  When he got to the apartment, Carole was there.

The discussion with his dad consisted mainly of “what was I supposed to do, Harry? All she did was nag and hen peck me for years! Thank God Carole came along,” he said, rubbing her thigh “or I’d be stuck with her for the rest of my life!”

“So much for the sanctity of marriage,” Harry thought.

On the drive over, he couldn’t help but think about Louis’ mum and her cancer; then Louis’ words “I sacrificed too much for the people I loved” rang in his ears.  Yes she was sick but neither her nor Louis ever pitied themselves; they never thought “why me”? They just met it head-on and dealt with it, rolling with the punches when they met them.  So why couldn’t his mum do the same thing? Why couldn’t see look at this positively instead of negatively?  When he returned, he sat his mum down and said: “mum, have you thought that maybe this is a good thing?”

“WHAT?!” she screeched.

“Mum, look, I talked to dad and he’s not the least bit sorry for what he did. He’s not going to apologize and he’s not going to come back. He didn’t say those exact words but that’s the impression I got”; he left out the part about Carole already living with him.

“Harry, are you daft?” she asked.

“No, mum, listen to me! Has there ever been a time when he treated you well?”

She thought for a second, “sometimes. Occasionally. Well, no. Not on a consistent basis.”

“And you lived that way for most of your life and now’s your chance to start fresh!  So maybe this is a blessing in disguise?” Harry asked.

“Harry you’ve gone bonkers. My marriage is ending! This is so embarrassing! Everyone in Cheshire knows and they are judging me!” she wailed.

“Mum, stop. Put this in perspective: do you have cancer? Or a terminal illness?” he asked and she shook her head. “Is this something you can recover from without experiencing physical pain?” She nodded. “Then just deal with it and move on!” he suggested.

Maybe Harry should take some of his own advice….

She thought for a minute and sighed. “I guess you’re right, Harry. I mean, he always was a grumpy son of a gun, always barking orders and yelling at you kids. Then he took part of my inheritance, the bastard.”

Harry thought he’d taken all of it. “Wait, _part?_ ” he asked.

“Harry, I may be flighty but I’m not an idiot. I’ve got a nest egg squirreled away; I didn’t give him my last dime because I knew he would piss it away,” she admitted.

Harry was gobsmacked. “But why didn’t you use it to keep our house?”

“Because that was a lesson for him! And I wasn’t about to buy another house for him to lose.”

“So how much are we talking about, mum?” Harry asked tentatively.

“Half a million pounds,” she said nonchalantly as Harry choked on his spit. “And I can pay you back the money you loaned him. I didn’t do it before now because I didn’t want him to know about this money.”

“See, mum, you have the financial stability to start over, start fresh, without him. Now you need to find the emotional fortitude to do that” Harry said.  “But just make sure he doesn’t get wind of that money or else he will do anything in his power to get his grubby paws on it.”

She hugged him tightly and whispered “thank you. I love you.”

“Love you too, mum,” Harry replied.  At that point, the kids came trudging into the room, fresh from their baths. “Nana, read us a story!” they said so Anne excused herself to put them to bed.

Harry was suddenly exhausted but Gemma came into the lounge with a giant glass of white wine and put it in his hand. “Thanks, I needed this,” Harry said as she sat down opposite him on the chair. They sat in silence until out of nowhere, Harry said “Gem, I met someone” and she raised her eyebrow at him then he said “but I’ve fucked it up I think. No, I _know_ I have.”

She rolled her eyes. “What else is new, Harry? Though I’m glad you fucked things up with Nick. He was a wanker,” she said.

“He was,” Harry agreed. “But this guy’s not; he’s nice and funny. And gorgeous. And smart.”

“And you pushed him away like you always do?” Gemma suggested taking a long drink of her wine.

Harry nodded, ashamed. “I cocked it up good too. I was wasted last night and told him to go fuck himself and leave me alone, that he was needy and clingy. And ah, fuck,” he finished and buried his head in his hands.

“Harry, you absolute pillock. Listen to me, I’m gonna give you some free advice and what my therapist told me,” Gemma started to say.

“You have a therapist?” Harry asked incredulously.

She nodded. “You don’t?!” and he shook his head.

“Well you need one, trust me. Anyway, look, yes dad was an emotionally unavailable horse’s arse to us as kids and yes mum was busy with her social calendar, planning this luncheon and that event, leaving little time for us. But they loved us the only way they knew how-which granted was a bit fucked up-but it was there nevertheless. They didn’t beat us, we had a roof over our heads, we went to the best schools, and we had opportunities that most people don’t have.  We were always safe and secure and well taken care of as kids and we had whatever we wanted. When things were good-when dad’s businesses were doing well-they were really good and when it was bad, it got pretty bad. But we survived, right?”

Harry nodded.

“You’re an adult, Harry, and you don’t have to let your past define you; you can choose to put it behind you and forge your own path. You can take the negative shit and make it a positive-as an example of what not to do and how not to live your life-and you don’t have to wallow in it like a pig in slop.  But it’s _your choice._ ”

“Now, get your head outta your arse and make things right with this fella. Cause if he’s as special as you say then he’s worth fighting for.”

Harry’s head was spinning, trying to process what Gemma told him. “It’s just like I told mum,” he mused.  “I don’t need a therapist, I have you, Gems,” he finally said, hugging her.

“You probably still need one, you daft arse. Cause I can only do so much,” she teased.

He laughed. “I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I can cause I’m a giant pussy. And I suck at saying ‘sorry’”

 “Yes well both of those are true, you twit,” she replied, smiling. “But you have to do it, even if he rejects you and confirms that you are, in fact, a dickhead.  Because if you don’t, you’ll regret it.”

She was right, of course.  “What I do for a living doesn’t make a lot of money,” she continued, “but it allows me the flexibility to be there for my kids when they need me.  I refuse to be like mum and put my life and my needs ahead of them so I work when I want to, not when I have to.”

“I didn’t know you did massage therapy to have a flexible schedule to spend time with the kids,” Harry admitted.

“That’s because you never asked,” she laughed. “I know Stephen and I are flaky sometimes but we love our kids and would do anything for them. They are the most important thing in our lives, not money or having a huge house. And that’s how we choose to live our lives.”

“Your kids are pretty great, Gems, in spite of you guys,” Harry teased and she punched his arm.

“Fuck off, twat,” she exclaimed and they both laughed.

When Harry returned to work two days later, Louis absolutely would not meet his gaze, he steadfastly refused to even look at him, much less talk to him.  Harry really couldn’t blame him but still, it hurt.  Harry knew what he had to do but it was gonna take a lot of courage that he wasn’t sure he had to accomplish his task.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry slowly gets his head out of his arse :D

OK

HE COULD DO THIS

On Saturday, Harry knew Louis would be home-Niall told him-so he stopped by the posh flower shop on the corner to pick up a giant bouquet of flowers then took the short Tube ride to his house.  He knocked on the door and when Louis opened it and saw Harry, he immediately went to shut it; Harry had to put his £1500 Yve St Laurent boots in between the door and frame to stop it from closing in his face. Which hurt like a son-of-a-bitch _and_ scuffed up his boots, but none of that mattered right now. Because LOUIS.

“Louis, please,” Harry said, pushing the door open to see Louis standing there, arms crossed, a glaring look on his face.  Harry handed him the large, beautiful bouquet of flowers then turned around to close the door; a few seconds later, he felt and saw flower pieces, petals and stems hit his head and fall to the floor. 

Which, okay, he totally deserved that. 

Harry bent down to pick them up and muttered “good thing I didn’t bring you a bowling ball as an apology” and he was pretty sure Louis snickered.  But he quickly turned around and disappeared into his flat, Harry trying to keep the bouquet from making a mess everywhere.

Louis was standing in his kitchen and simply stared at Harry, blue eyes flashing with anger, annoyance and hurt.  Harry took a deep breath and said “Louis, I don’t know what else to say about the other night, except that I’m sorry. I was completely off my arse drunk and I know that’s not a valid excuse but I just…” and his voice trailed off, not sure what else to say at that point.

“That’s the second time you’ve used that apology.  I thought you said sorrys were empty promises and didn’t mean shit,” Louis seethed.

“I know. I said a lot of dumb shit, Louis. And I’m sorry for that too. I suck at apologizing, so please just bear with me. I’ve fucked up a lot in my life and I’ve-“ and he paused as he quickly recalled all of them, regret flashing across his face-“hurt a lot of people who I care about deeply and not given a fuck about the consequences nor did I even _think_ about apologizing to them for what I’d done.”

He paused, trying to think about what to say next.  He saw Louis’ shoulders relax slightly so he continued.

“But this-you-what I did, what I said, it was shit. I was shit. I was a dumb, stubborn arsehole who wouldn’t know a good thing like you if it smacked me in the face.  I’m done running away from my feelings and from the people who mean something to me because trying to avoid heartache just brought me more of it.  Ironic, if you think about it,” he mused.

“So I honestly don’t know what to say except: I’m sorry. And I don’t say that word very often but this time I mean it, 100%.” Harry nodded and searched Louis’ face for a reaction but he got nothing; not a smile, not a crinkle by his eye or a nose twitch. Nothing. He was like a statue: cold and stony and unmovable.

Harry’s mind reeled as he said, “You know you were right about me; lemme see if I can remember what you said? Emotionally unavailable workaholic, mum who’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic, father who doesn’t give a fuck, feeling like I don’t get the recognition I deserve from them. You nailed it, so bravo. And yes I’m all of those things-and I’m not proud of them-but I’m also willing to work on them.”

Still nothing.

“I didn’t even think about going to work today for the first time in I don’t know how long. I knew I had to come here and attempt to make things right with you. But I guess I failed at that too,” Harry said finally and shrugged.

Not a peep.

Harry sighed and decided to leave-because his one-sided conversation with Statue Louis was going nowhere fast-so he said “enjoy the flowers” and turned around to walk out.  He knew if he left he wasn’t coming back because this wasn’t the kind of thing he did often: lay his heart open for someone else. This was his one shot at redemption with the one person he actually cared about and he blew it because he was a dickhead.  His hand was on the door when he heard Louis say softly “Harry, don’t leave.”

He turned around to see Louis standing beside the couch in his living room; he motioned for Harry to come over so he shed his coat and shoes then walked over to the couch.   He stood in front of Louis looking like a wounded puppy. Louis suddenly wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and hugged him tightly. He burst into tears saying “Harry you dumb git, you’re such an arse” and Harry hugged him back, saying “I know, I’m a jackass” and rubbed his back.  This was the second emotional breakdown he’d dealt with in a week’s time, but it was fine.  Really.  They stayed that way for a while, Louis crying and Harry soothing him-or trying to-when Louis pulled away and said “sit, please. Let’s talk.”

Harry drew in a deep breath because the words “let’s talk” usually made him run screaming from the room. But he knew he owed it to Louis to explain at least some of the reason why he was so fucked in the head.  Louis sat at one end of the couch, his back against the side, facing Harry, arms crossed, and pillow over his lap in a very defensive posture.  He was silent just cocked an eyebrow as if to say “I’m waiting for you to start speaking” which…

OKAY HE COULD DO THIS

“I don’t know where to start,” Harry began.

“Start with the other night at the club,” Louis interrupted which…

RIGHT

Harry nodded. “Right, the other night. Uh, Niall called me, said they were going to this new club, asked if I wanted to go, when I got there,” he started.

“But you told me you were staying in,” Louis pointed out.

Harry’s face fell-he was hoping Louis forgot about that-but he hadn’t. “Yeah, I, um…”

Louis looked at him like “tell me…”

“Right, I, uh, don’t take this the wrong way, but, I totally freaked out because you were texting me a bunch after we, uh, did our thing in the bathroom,” Harry started.

“I blew you,” Louis said directly.

“Uh, yeah, that. Which was amazing, by the way” Louis smiled softly and Harry continued. “I’m used to ‘no strings attached’ sex, where I get my rocks off then the guy leaves. Not that I’m a whore it’s just…”

“I get it,” Louis replied curtly.

“Right. So when you didn’t leave and wanted to keep in touch with me-which deep down I was really happy about-my initial instinctive reaction was to blow you off.  Excuse the pun.”

“Hmm” was all Louis said.

“So at the club Ni and Z and the rest were like three drinks ahead of me so I started slamming them, one after another then Ni bought round after round of Jameson shots and before I knew it, I was bloody knackered.  This guy started hitting on me so I thought ‘why not?’ then other stuff happened, uh, and I kept drinking. Then I saw you and time stopped moving. Like literally.”

Louis bit his lip and shook his head as if to say “why?”

“Because I knew I was fucked for multiple reasons and my whiskey-soaked brain couldn’t process that. So instead of being mature about the situation I decided to be an absolute prat.”

“Why did you try to find me after I left the club?” Louis asked softly.

“I don’t know, it was like a moth to a flame. I had to find you; but when I did I said all those nasty things…”

Harry audibly sighed as he said: “Look, Louis, I’m very, very good at pushing people I like away.  It’s one of the things I do best in this world: just ask my family and my exes.  Because if I let people in, they hurt me and I’ve dealt with it over and over again so now it’s almost a defense mechanism. But after this stuff happened with my mum, I realized that even though my family is batshit crazy, they’re still my family. And they're all I’ve got,” Harry explained and Louis nodded.

“This is turning into a therapy session,” Harry teased then he continued. “And I had admired and desired you from a far” he didn’t want to get into the whole hypnosis experience yet “for quite some time and when we, uh, hooked up, it was absolute perfection. Like the culmination of a dream” Literally and figuratively, Harry thought. “I wanted you to do those things to me but what I didn’t expect was to have feelings for you that went _beyond_ what we did.  So I lashed out at you because _I_ was feeling threatened and insecure about myself. I didn’t mean ANY of what I said, promise. I wish I could take them back but I can’t.  However, I assure you they were absolutely the ramblings of a drunken idiot and not a reflection of how I honestly feel about you.”

Louis chuckled softly “you can say that again.”

Harry sat forward on the couch and gently laid his hands on Louis’ leg.  “Look you were 100% correct about why I work so much: because work never lets me down, work keeps me safe, work doesn’t ask me for money. I am able to shut myself off from the world at work and not deal with life’s bullshit.”

“But I’ve never done any of those things to you, Harry,” Louis said.

“I know, Louis and that’s why I’m sitting here. That’s why I had to talk to you and make this right. Because you’re not the people who’ve hurt me in the past; you’re a shining light in the darkness that is my life. And I promise if you’ll forgive me for what I did that I will make it up to you and that I’ll work on my issues. Because they aren’t about _you_ they’re about me. You’re perfect. And wonderful. And amazing. And smart. And funny. And gorgeous.”

Louis blushed so Harry continued; “You’re a great kisser and your lips are sinful. I want to get to know you better and if you let me, I promise to be as open and honest as I can. But you’ll have to be patient with me cause I’m a head case and a work in progress.”

Now Louis laughed out loud for the first time since Harry arrived. “Come here, you big lug,” he said and motioned for Harry to lay down on his chest.  Now it was Harry’s turn to cry as Louis soothed him like a baby, whispering “shhhh, Harry, it’s okay, shhh, relax, don’t cry, love” and stroking his curls.  Which just made Harry cry even harder; it was as if all of his demons were trying to leave his body as he got a new lease on life with Louis. And nothing made him happier.

Harry’s tears slowed to a crawl and as he lay on Louis’ chest, he asked “Louis, don’t you want to know?”

Louis was softly brushing Harry’s curls off his forehead. “Don’t I want to know, what?” he said softly.

“About the guy. From the other night at the club,” Harry said tentatively.

He felt Louis’ body tense up slightly underneath him then relax. “Does he-or what he did-mean anything to you?”

Harry shook his head vigorously. “No. Nothing. He was manky,” he said and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Well then he doesn’t mean anything to me either and I don’t need to know anymore about him,” Louis said confidently.

“Harry I need to apologize to you too,” Louis said.

Which, WHAT?

“Um, no you don’t, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Harry explained.

“Well, I have a tendency to come on strong to people. I need to tell and show people how I feel about them because life’s too short to not. So I’m sorry for bombarding you with text messages after we hooked up. I just really liked you and thought you felt the same way…” Louis said his voice trailing off.

“I did! I do!” Harry exclaimed and he felt Louis smile.

Harry tilted his head up off Louis’ chest and asked “Louis, can I kiss you?”

Louis’ beautiful blue eyes-which were now clear and happy-met Harry’s and he nodded.  Harry raised up as Louis bent down, his soft lips meeting Louis’ rough ones, tasting like salty tears and hope.  It was a chaste kiss-no tongue-but it was beautiful and filled with meaning: a new beginning, as if they were re-connecting themselves in a new way in a new world, one that consisted of _them_ together and not as individuals.  The electricity that Harry felt the last time he kissed Louis returned, pulsating through his body and pushing air in his lungs so he could breathe clearly for the first time in a while.  Louis gently stroked Harry’s cheek and it was the sweetest gesture; Harry almost started crying again.

When he pulled away, Louis pressed his forehead to Harry’s as he choked out “thank you.”

Louis kissed his forehead and whispered “you’re welcome” as Harry slid back down his chest, resting his head.

They laid there wrapped up together for most of the day, their growling stomachs the only thing that finally separated them.  Harry wasn’t sure what to do-should he stay? Leave?-but Louis said “let me fix you lunch” so it was sorted: he was staying.

Harry was dressed like he was going to work-which he had planned to do if Louis refused to talk to him-and Louis said “let me get you a change of clothes so you can relax,” as he pressed a kiss to Harry’s curls. He returned from his bedroom with trackies and a sweatshirt and Harry went to change. The sweatshirt fit-Harry assumed it was huge on Louis-but the legs of the trackies only came to his mid-calf.  When he walked out, Louis collapsed into a fit of giggles at the sight; “I should’ve just given you shorts, you big oaf,” he teased.

They spent the remainder of the day hanging out, watching football and just talking.  Harry found himself laughing more than he had in a very long time as Louis regaled him with hilarious stories of his childhood and his mum. By the evening, they were throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths which quickly devolved into fits of giggles.

Once the popcorn was gone, Harry said “Louis, it’s getting late I should probably go home,” and he went about gathering his clothes and putting on his shoes.  When he returned to the living room, Louis was sat on the couch, chewing on his lip, eyes a million miles away; Harry didn’t know if he should kiss him goodbye or what to do so he just stood there and said “bye,” and waved his hand.

This snapped Louis’ head around and he said quickly “Wait. Stay.”

They were two words but they meant the world to Harry.

“If you want, I mean,” Louis said hesitantly. “No pressure, promise.”

“Yes,” was all Harry said and Louis broke out into a big smile and patted the couch for Harry to sit down next to him.  Harry slid into his side and wrapped his large arms around Louis’ waist as they both laid down on the couch.  Harry must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, Louis was saying his name. “Budge up, Harry, come on, let’s go to bed,” he said, pushing Harry up from the couch.  He took Harry’s hand and led him into the bedroom then tucked him into bed, saying “be right back”

When he returned he smelled like soap, toothpaste and a safe place to be as Harry tucked his long limbs into Louis’ side.  He was almost asleep when he heard Louis ask “Harry, had you planned on going to work today?”

“That was Plan B but you were Plan A. Luckily that worked out,” he mumbled sleepily and he felt Louis give his shoulders an affectionate squeeze as he finally drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get hottttttt :D

Harry woke up the next morning to the heavenly smell of bacon and pancakes cooking. When he sat up in bed, he realized for the first time ever he’d actually slept in another guy’s bed without fooling around with him. Usually, if he went home with someone, it led straight to fucking and maybe he would stay maybe he wouldn’t but not last night.

This was different.

This was Louis.

“No pressure.”

And he meant it.

Harry stumbled out of bed, scrubbed his face and his teeth then fished a tshirt out of Louis’ drawer, one that actually fit him thank goodness. Louis was buzzing around the kitchen, stirring the eggs, flipping the bacon and pancakes and cutting up fruit.  “Mmm, smells delish,” Harry remarked, sitting down at the kitchen table to watch Louis cook.  As he brought the plates over, Harry’s phone rang and it was his mum; Louis looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and mouthed “answer it” so Harry did.

“Hi mum,” he said cheerfully.

“Harry?!” she said incredulously as if she was surprised he answered the phone.

“Yes mum, it’s me. You were expecting someone else?” he teased and he saw Louis try to hide a smile.

“No, darling, usually you’re a hard person to get a hold of! Anyway, are you at work?” she asked.

“No, I’m sat at breakfast,” he replied.

“Great! So Gemma tells me you met someone?” and she said it loud enough for Louis to hear and he smiled again.

“Yes mum, I did…yes, he’s nice…Louis, mum, his name is Louis. Mmmhmmm, met him through work, yes. He’s…no, nothing like him. Promise….okay…okay…love to Gem and the kids. Talk to you soon. Bye,” Harry said hanging up the phone.

“That was the first conversation I’ve had with my mum in ages that hasn’t left me feeling anxious and annoyed,” Harry observed; when he looked at Louis he was positively beaming.

“So you told your sister about me?” he asked, trying to hide his enthusiasm.

“Yeah, she was the one who kicked me arse-figuratively-and told me I had to make things right with you. And I’m glad she did,” Harry told him, winking.

       Harry and Louis spent the next six weeks flirting at work, having dinner over long talks, lunch at the office when Harry worked over the weekends, and getting to know each other.  The more time they spent together, the more Harry opened up to Louis, telling him about his family and his “issues” & Louis listened to him but didn’t judge. In fact, he encouraged Harry to tell his parents how he felt, in hopes of repairing their relationship; Harry promised to think about it.  “Life’s too short for bullshit, Harry. It’s too short to not tell people how you feel about them,” Louis told him firmly.

They hadn’t had more than a few hand jobs, slow and wet blow jobs and lots of kissing; hell, Harry hadn’t even seen Louis completely naked yet. But that was okay; no pressure, right?  For the first time in his life, Harry was getting to know someone as a person before getting physically involved with him.  And it was nice. And fun. And he liked it a lot.

      They’d never been to Harry’s house-for some reason it was more comfortable for him to go to Louis’?-but one night, Harry took him out to a lovely and romantic steak dinner where over wine he talked a lot about his childhood, telling Louis about the good times and bad. He spoke briefly about his dad’s businesses and their successes and failures and how Harry was trying to use those lessons as inspiration for his work.

      “Harry, I noticed you haven’t been working as much lately. Any reason why?” Louis asked.

      “I’m trying-very hard-to keep things in perspective like you told me. I want to be successful at what I do-and I already am-but I also need to spend time with the people who mean something to me. So I’m only working one day per weekend so I can spend more time with you,” Harry admitted and Louis blushed.

      They were both a bit tipsy when they left and as they made their way to the Tube, Louis put his hand into Harry’s and squeezed it; “thank you for a lovely dinner, Harry” he said smiling.  Harry stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and pressed a soft kiss to Louis’ lips “you’re very welcome, Louis. Come back to my house? No pressure,” he asked and Louis nodded quickly.

      When they arrived at Harry’s flat, Louis walked in saying “wow, nice place, Hazza,” and he walked around whistling as if to say “wow” at all the nice furniture, art and decorating.  Even though Louis’ place was just as nice, he still complimented the hell out of it.  Harry opened up a bottle of his best white wine and poured both of them a glass; Louis made his way to the balcony where he opened the doors with a flourish and stepped out into the night.  The lights of London surrounded him, the city pulsing beneath his feet, as Harry stepped behind him to wrap his arms around his waist. “This is beautiful, what a lovely view,” Louis remarked, stepping towards the balcony railing; Harry stood beside him holding his hand and as the moonlight flickered off Louis’ eyes he knew what he wanted to do. He only hoped Louis wanted to too.

      He turned his body to face Louis and pulled him in for a deep, slow, kiss, tasting his entire mouth, tongues intertwined with his lips.  He tucked his head into Louis’ neck and whispered “Louis, I want to make love to you. No pressure, though,” and he felt Louis’ knees buckle. Even in the cold night air, Louis’ body radiated heat and Harry already felt his electricity coursing through his veins. Louis nodded then tugged on Harry’s ear with his teeth saying, “yes, yes, yes, Harry,” so they both moved in tandem from the balcony to the bedroom, kissing as much as possible.

      Harry laid Louis down on the bed then took off his shirt and crouched over Louis’ chest kissing him deeply. Louis stared at Harry’s chest and licked his lips “jesus you’re so hot,” he said as Harry slowly pulled Louis’ shirt off.  He then trailed his tongue from Louis’ ear down to his collar bones where he traced the “it is what it is” tattoo with his tongue and tiny nips at his chest.  “Harry,” he breathed out, running his fingers through his curls; in the darkness, Harry thought he saw another tattoo near Louis’ nipple so he sat up on his stomach to get a better look.

      He traced it with his finger and asked “Louis is that another tattoo?”

      Louis nodded “yeah and there’s another one over here,” pointing to his chest below his armpit. “They match me mum’s scars from her double mastectomy; got them so she wouldn’t feel alone.”

      Tears welled up in Harry’s eyes as he bent down, tears mixing with kisses over the tattoos.  When he finished, Louis brought his face up to his and said “Harry, darling, are you crying?” and Harry nodded as Louis’ thumbed away his tears. “Why?”

      “Louis that’s just the most unselfish and beautiful tribute to your mum. And it just makes me emotional to think that you’re that wonderful to do that for her,” Harry replied.

      “Oh, darling, please don’t cry, okay? I’m sure if your mum was going thru the same thing you would do that too,” Louis remarked and Harry nodded, drying his tears.

      Harry laid his chest on Louis’ as he whispered “you’re so beautiful inside and out”

      “You make me feel beautiful,” Louis replied, squeezing his bum cheekily.

      Harry worked his way down to Louis’ waist, pressing kisses on his torso and licking around his waistband then gently tugging on his zipper with his teeth. As he pulled off his pants, he was finally able to see Louis completely naked and he was glorious; strong chest and fit thighs countered by a small waist and a gorgeous bum. Harry wanted to stare at him all night until Louis pushed up to kiss him, saying “can you take your pants off? Wanna see all of you.” Harry nodded and Louis helped him unbuckle his pants and slip them off as Harry stretched back up to lay Louis down and kiss him hungrily.

      “Harry you’re so gorgeous,” Louis cooed as Harry reached for the lube; he slicked up his fingers then gently nudged Louis’ hole with them, kissing and licking his chest as he heard Louis groan.  His giant hard dick was staring at him but he wanted to slowly open Louis up _then_ put his mouth on him.  When he pushed one finger in, Louis arched his back and spread his legs apart slightly. As he put two fingers in, Louis hissed his name “Hazzzzaaaaa” as Harry slowly pushed in then twisted his fingers back out.

      “Louis you feel so good,” Harry groaned and Louis just let out an “ah” noise; he dipped down his chest to lick around the tip of Louis’ dick which was already leaking pre-cum. With his fingers inside him and his mouth on his dick, Louis groaned “fuck” as Harry worked him over slowly but surely.  Pretty soon he was writhing around with pleasure, moaning out Harry’s name in ecstasy.

      Usually at this point-if it even got this far-Harry’s dick would take over his brain and he would just fuck the shit out of whoever was beneath him.  Sometimes he didn’t even properly prep the guy, just lubed himself up and got his “rocks” off. 

But this was different.

This was LOV-

LOUIS. This was LOUIS.

And this was special.

Perfect. A dream come true.

So he was going to take Louis to orgasm _before he even entered him_ , something he rarely-if ever-did before. As he bobbed his head over Louis’ dick and dragged his fingers across his prostate, Louis bucked his hips up and grabbed Harry’s curls as he yelled out “Fuck, gonna, un, cum, fuck”. Harry increased the pace of his mouth and his fingers and soon Louis cum was sliding down Harry’s throat-which he’d never ever done before.

He tasted amazing and it was special.

And he did it for LOV-

LOUIS. He did it for LOUIS.

Harry licked up the cum droplets on Louis’ hips and slowly pulled his fingers out of him, licking his way back up to Louis’ mouth and closer to the night stand where he could grab a condom.  “Wanna touch you, baby,” Louis whispered, reaching for Harry’s dick and stroking it gently.

“Mmm, not too much, wanna last,” Harry teased. “Now just relax, I wanna make this good for you,” he said as he rolled the condom on and slicked himself up with lube.  He lined his dick up with Louis’ hole, bracing himself over his chest with this left hand; with his right, he gently pulled Louis’ leg back as he slowly entered him.

And.

FUCK.

The sensation of being inside Louis was unlike anything Harry had ever felt; and it wasn’t just the tightness around his dick, it was _everything_. He could feel both of their blood pumping through their veins almost in tandem; he could hear and feel Louis’ hot, warm breath on his skin, his touch almost burned his skin, Harry’s entire body felt alive. As he pulled out slightly then pressed in further, Louis lifted his right leg out so Harry went all the way in; when he did, Louis arched his back up as Harry licked his neck.

“Louis, Louis, god you feel amazing, you are amazing, this is perfect,” Harry whispered, gently rocking his hips into Louis who nodded and kissed Harry.  As Harry pressed in, Louis pushed his hips up and grabbed Harry’s bum; soon they were rocking in sync, Louis spread wide open for Harry, Harry’s entire body pulsating with desire and passion.

Harry alternated deep kisses with short ones, keeping the steady rhythm of their hips going.  “Harry, I wanna come again. Can I?” Louis asked-much to Harry’s disbelief-and Harry nodded. Then he reached down to touch himself and Harry couldn’t believe his eyes. He was making love to _Louis Tomlinson_ while Louis touched himself.

“Fuck,” Harry whispered at the sight, increasing the speed of his hips and pressing Louis’ legs out just a bit wider.  He started completely bottoming out with every thrust and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.  He looked at Louis, bathed in soft moonlight, fringe stuck to his forehead, pupils blow wide with desire and he wanted to capture this moment forever in his brain.

“Harry, Harry, please,” Louis pleaded as Harry said “I’m gonna cum, fuck”; as Louis orgasmed again, his entire body tightened up around Harry which released Harry’s orgasm soon after. “Oh my god,” he moaned as he came.

They were both breathless and sweaty and as Harry finished, he gently kissed Louis then laid down on his chest.  They stayed that way until Harry got soft and slowly pulled out, taking off the condom and tying it off then throwing it in the bin.  Louis curled up beside him and whispered “amazing” while Harry wrapped his strong arms around Louis’ tiny body.

It was, in a word, perfect.

The post-coital cuddle was not something Harry normally did either-this was the point where he usually left or kicked the guy out. But at this moment, he wanted nothing more than to stay wrapped around Louis’ body forever, if possible. “Harry, that was amazing. You’re amazing,” Louis cooed into Harry’s chest and Harry kissed his fringe wishing this moment-and the feelings that went with it-could last forever. Now that was definitely not something Harry ever considered before. EVER.

Harry wanted to say the three words to Louis that had the power to inspire or destroy them both: I LOVE YOU.

But he decided to stay quiet for now and not ruin the moment, because _what if Louis didn’t feel the same way about him?_

He woke up the next morning to Louis pressing a kiss to his cheek saying “good morning sunshine,” and handing him a cup of tea. “Oh, thanks,” Harry said sleepily as he sat up on his elbow and sipped his tea.

“How did you know I liked my tea no sugar, light cream?” Harry asked.

Louis kissed his nose “figured you were sweet enough, didn’t need any more sugar.”

Was Louis Tomlinson even real?

There were times when Harry wasn’t 100% sure that he was, even when he was sat in front of him.

“Harry last night was amazing,” Louis said, brushing Harry’s curls out of his eyes.

“Louis, can I tell you something?” Harry asked.

“Of course,” Louis replied.

Harry hesitated. “What I said to you last night was the first time I’d ever said that.”

Louis looked at him confusedly, as if he was trying to remember exactly what Harry was talking about.

“The ‘I want to make love to you’ part.  I’ve never said that before _in my life_ ,” Harry said.

Louis stared at him wide-eyed. “Seriously?!”

“Yes,” Harry said.

“Well, it was lovely and perfect. Maybe you should say it more often?” Louis queried, eyebrows raising.

“Maybe I will,” Harry teased, pulling Louis’ head down to kiss him and soon he lost track of where he ended and Louis began.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry says things he _actually_ means. 100%.

The next two weeks were crazy busy at work but Harry made time to spend with Louis and even cut his working on the weekends to half a day on Saturday. Louis’ case was winding down as Harry talked to the other side to try to avoid a trial. They hung out as much as they could but Louis had to make quite a few trips to Doncaster with his mum and Harry even went home to check on his family, which they were pleasantly surprised about.  So they hadn’t been “together” since that morning at Harry’s house, which was fine, but they did manage to squeeze in a few makeout sessions and blow jobs.  Harry was starting to realize that his feelings for Louis went beyond just the physical as he found himself falling for him as a _person_ , which was definitely a new experience.

Finally, Louis’ ex decided to withdraw the lawsuit against him because Harry’s team had enough evidence to prove without a doubt that the partnership agreement was legal and he was not, in fact, entitled to all of the initial IPO offering.  And he agreed to pay all of Louis’ legal bills.

So to celebrate, Louis took the entire team out to a fancy restaurant; Niall and Jesy, Zayn and Liam, Louis and Harry.  Louis held Harry’s hand and pressed kisses to his cheek during dinner which Harry thought was adorable. “So are you guys, uh, together?” Niall asked and Louis nodded.

“Yes, we are, Niall,” Harry replied smiling. “What about you and Jesy?”

She giggled as he said “yeah, she’s a keeper,” he teased.

“Liam’s moving in with me,” Zayn blurted out and they all laughed.

“So I guess my case played matchmaker for all of us,” Louis joked, winking at Harry.

After dinner, Louis brought Harry back to his flat and they hung out and talked for quite some time.  Which was fine with Harry; he had no expectations of being with Louis, he just enjoyed his company. Which surprised him, to say the least.

Harry was sat on the couch, talking to Louis, and during a lull in the conversation, Louis crawled into Harry’s lap, straddled him.  Louis kissed him strongly and with purpose, digging his hands through his curls.  Harry loved kissing Louis-he tasted delicious and his tongue knew just where to go to make it feel amazing-but then Louis took his mouth away from Harry’s.  Harry whimpered at the loss of contact then Louis said “I want to make love to you, baby, make you feel as amazing as you made me feel the other night.”

Harry could merely say “Yes, Louis,” as he pulled him up off the couch, stripping him of his shirt in the process.  When they got to the bedroom, they were both already half-naked and completely hard.  Louis took his time with Harry, kissing and licking all over him, until Harry moaned out his name repeatedly. He gave him an amazing blow job and Harry’s entire body pulsed when he came.  Louis climbed up Harry’s body and said “not done with you yet.”

Louis gently turned Harry over onto his stomach and started kissing his neck, shoulder blades, down his back to the top of his bum; he then trailed his tongue over his cheeks and gently nipped at them.  Harry thought he was going to finger him until he licked at his rim with his tongue and Harry absolutely melted under him.

Rimming was Harry’s absolute favorite thing but the twinks he fooled around with either weren’t interested in pleasuring Harry like that or Harry didn’t want them to, quite frankly.  But to have Louis’ tongue inside him, well, this was completely different. This was incredibly intimate and personal as Louis selflessly made sure Harry was being pleasured.  It was perfect.

Louis licked and sucked at Harry’s hole as Harry became completely under his control; he was spread out on the bed, slightly on his knees, hips up.  He turned his head around to see Louis slowly pull his tongue out of his hole and he gasped out his name, “Louisssss.”

“Mmm, baby, you taste so good,” Louis moaned.

“Can you come again, baby?” Louis asked and Harry nodded quickly so as Louis rimmed him, he reached around to gently stroke Harry to another orgasm.  The sensation of having Louis’ mouth in him and his hands on him was almost more than Harry could process and he came hard; he heard Louis say, “that’s it, baby, so good” as he rode it out.

Harry collapsed on the bed and he felt Louis press kisses to his back again, moving up his torso. Harry was so completely pleasured he was almost in tears; when Louis whispered to him “did you like that, baby?” Harry had to choke back a sob because

HELL YES

“Louis it was beautiful and amazing and you’re perfect and you make me feel so good” he said quickly.

Louis laughed softly and said “good, baby. Gonna make love to you now, okay?” and Harry could only nod. He felt Louis rip open a condom and squirt lube onto himself when Harry realized he hadn’t even touched Louis’ dick; no hand job, no blow job, nothing. Louis was completely interested in pleasuring Harry right now.

He felt Louis spread his cheeks open and gently nudge himself inside as he pressed his body to Harry’s and holy shit he felt amazing. He slowly went in and out his hips rocking back and forth, whispering into Harry’s ear when he went forward. “Harry,” he breathed “you feel so good, so beautiful, so perfect”

Harry was pretty sure he was having an out-of-body experience because this was the most amazing sex he’d ever had, bar none. And he’d had a lot over the past ten years, in fact, but Louissssssssss…..

Every so often, Louis would pause his hips thrusting and nip kisses into Harry’s back which meant he was lasting a very long time. Which was magnificent.

The combination of the friction of his body against the sheets combined with Louis inside him made Harry hard again.  At one point, when Louis paused inside him, he picked up Harry’s hips off the bed and reached around to grab him.

And it was at this point that Harry completely lost his mind. “Fuck, Louis” was all he could say as Louis increased his speed into him as he jerked him off.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Louis,” Harry moaned.

Louis had his chest to Harry’s back, his hips pumping into him quickly, his right hand on his dick and he said “come for me again, baby, please,” and now he was _asking him_ to come again.

WHICH FUCKING HELL.

Harry nodded “yes,yes,yes Louis” he yelped as he came into Louis’ palm; Louis pushed into him a few more times before he came hard around Harry. They both collapsed together on the bed, sweaty bodies stuck together, as Louis licked kisses into the back of Harry’s neck.

“Harry, that was beautiful and amazing. You’re so good to me,” Louis cooed.

Louis came once; Harry came three times yet Louis thought Harry was being _good to him?!_   This was a first.  Harry shook his head “no, Louis you’re good to me,” he managed to say.

Louis gently rolled off Harry’s back and removed his condom then turned Harry over so he was facing him, tucking him into his side.  He kissed his forehead, brushing his sweaty curls away, cooing his name.

Harry knew what he wanted to say, knew what he _had to say_ , damn the consequences. If Louis kicked him out of bed, called him a “twat” and never spoke to him again, then fine; but Harry couldn’t go one more day without telling him how he felt. Life’s too short to not tell people how you feel about them, right?

As he regained his breath he said quickly, “Louis, I’ve never said this before so I don’t know if this is the right time or place, but” and he paused, making direct eye contact with Louis.

“I love you. I love you so, so much,” he said steadily, his voice betraying how quickly his heart was beating.

Louis smiled gently at him and said “Oh, Harry, you big goof ball. I’ve loved you since you stumbled into that conference room and spilled tea all over Niall’s trousers all those months ago.”

Which.

OKAY.

“You, you did?” Harry stammered and Louis nodded.

“Yes, darling, you were the cutest thing I’d ever seen, all gangly limbs and out-of-control curls and gorgeous green eyes. Not to mention your cute bum,” he smiled.

Harry started to cry softly “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how I felt, I’m sorry I’m such a butthead sometimes.”

“Harry, love, don’t cry. Good things come to those who wait, right?” Louis suggested, cupping his head in his hands.

Harry nodded.

“And if that’s the first time you’ve said that to someone, then I feel special and it was worth waiting for,” Louis remarked, gently kissing his forehead..

Harry wiped his tears: “It is, promise. Well, except for my parents and my sister. But I _have_ to say that to them.”

Louis laughed “well I love you too, Harry Styles. Promise.”

He kissed Harry gently on the lips and said “now, tell me about this Eric fella who looks like me. Did you have a crush on him too?”

WHICH.

FUCK.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are good-for now...

Harry successfully swerved the “Eric question” by telling Louis he didn't want to talk about another guy while he was in bed with him. Which worked. For now. And Harry would tell Louis about “Eric”. Tomorrow. Or next week. Maybe next month. Or never.

No, he would tell him, just not now.

Over the next six weeks, Harry’s life was good: he and Louis spent a lot of time together getting to know each other, his parents’ divorce was moving forward-which he was thankful for-and work was busy but not insane. Harry realized that his relationship with Louis went beyond just physical attraction to an emotional one. The sex was amazing but so was hanging out with Louis and cuddling with him on the couch and laughing at stupid TV shows with him.  There were nights when they laughed and talked and fell asleep in each others’ arms, no sex involved.  Which was definitely a new dynamic for Harry.

One night Harry texted Louis to tell him he was bringing home his favorite pizza; when he arrived at his flat he pushed open the door and heard voices. Now he was confused. When he walked into Louis’ lounge he saw him and a beautiful older woman wearing a head scarf; Harry recognized his mum immediately.

Normally “meeting the parents” made Harry nervous and edgy-hell he only met Nick’s parents twice and they lived together for six months. But this was LOUIS and it was different.  “Hi, darling,” Louis said, getting up to kiss his cheek and take the pizza out of his hands. “This is me mum, Jay,” he said, motioning to her.  Harry walked over to shake her hand and she jumped up off the couch and embraced him warmly.

She had piercing blue eyes and high cheekbones and she was stunning; all Harry could say was “I see where Louis gets his good looks from,” which made her laugh. “It’s so good to finally meet you, Harry!” she exclaimed. “I hear all about you on our road trips back and forth to Donny,” she said teasingly.

Louis winked at him in response as she grabbed his hand and led him to the table where Louis was pouring wine in three glasses and putting the pizza on china plates. “Wow, if I’d know we were having a special guest, I would’ve brought something better than pizza,” Harry said and he thought he saw Jay blush.  “Harry, Louis tells me you’re very charming,” she smiled.  Jay was warm, kind, engaging and funny, just like Louis and they had a lovely meal. 

Harry even told her a little bit-no more than he’d told Louis-about _his parents_ and their pending divorce. “Tsk, that’s a shame, Harry, I’m sorry you have to go through that. I left Louis’ dad when he was two and it’s just been us since,” she said. “I’m kind of glad Louis was young enough to not have to go thru that but I know it sucked not having a dad around all the time,” she admitted, squeezing Louis’ hand.

“It’s okay, mum,” Louis replied.

“Well, I’m a big boy and I can handle it, besides it’s for the best,” Harry replied.

They moved to the lounge where they watched Graham Norton and laughed til their sides hurt; Jay excused herself to go to bed and Harry leaned over and kissed Jay’s cheek. “It was lovely meeting you, Jay,” he said “hope to see you again soon.”

“You too, good night, poppet,” she said to Louis, kissing him.

“G’nite mum,” Louis replied.

After she left, Louis refilled their wine glasses and then Harry crawled in beside him on the couch. “Harry, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you she was here; you texted me about bringing pizza and I thought she was leaving but she decided to stay and I didn’t have time to tell you she was here. I didn't mean to ambush you with the ‘meet my mum’ thing,” Louis said quickly.

“It’s fine, Louis, really.  I enjoyed meeting her, she’s lovely, just like you,” Harry said.

“Thank you. I think she’s pretty awesome too,” Louis observed.

Harry kissed him then used his thumb to wipe the wine off that he’d dribbled on Louis’ mouth. Louis grabbed his hand and pulled Harry up to him to give him a proper kiss.  “Stay, Harry” Louis gasped as Harry licked down his neck.

Harry sat back on his knees. “I can’t Louis, your mum is here!” he exclaimed.

“Harry, I’m almost thirty years old, I can have my boyf-you-stay over if I want to,” Louis replied quickly.

“What did you say?” Harry asked.

“I said ‘I’m almost thirty years old!’” Louis repeated.

“After that,” Harry said.

“You can stay over if you want to.”

“No, the part in between those two statements,” Harry demanded teasingly.

Louis sighed. “I called you my ‘boyfriend’. And, fuck, between meeting me mum and calling you that all in one day, you’re probably freaking the fuck out right now, Harry. I’m so sorry,” Louis groaned.

Louis’ head was in his hands like he was completely embarrassed and Harry was surprised that he would be concerned about how Harry felt about all of this.  Harry tipped his chin up to look him in the eyes. “Look at me, Louis. The ‘old Harry’ would’ve run screaming out the door right now; but this ‘new Harry’-the one who’s in love with you-is fine with it. Promise,” he said determinedly.

“Really?” Louis asked.

“Really,” Harry said, bending down to kiss Louis. “Now, your _boyfriend_ would love to stay over at your place as long as I can touch you,” he said suggestively.

“Yes,” Louis breathed out. “Touch me all over, baby”

And Harry did.

Sometimes-like tonight-when he made love to Louis and was deep inside him and Louis would gently, sweetly and softly whisper Harry’s name.  He didn’t say it every time, but when he did, it pinged off Harry’s nerve endings and it made him feel

ALIVE

And

CONNECTED

And

LOVED

It was an intense feeling for Harry to say the least but he welcomed and embraced it. Because it was LOUIS and the way he said his name while Harry was _making love_ to him meant everything to Harry.

Things were good for a while until Harry’s world started imploding in on him, one fucked-up situation at a time.  He was made the lead attorney on a massive case his firm received and Harry being Harry plunged into it head-first; where he’d drastically cut back his hours to spend time with Louis, he now spent nights and weekends at the office.  This just happened to coincide with bad news about Louis’ mum-her experimental treatments weren’t working-so Louis spent the bulk of his time in Doncaster visiting her primary cancer doctor to develop a new treatment plan.  His parents’ divorce hit a snag and Harry’s mum started calling him again, wailing about her problems. 

Harry’s stress level-which had been at about a 3-suddenly and unexpectedly ramped up to about an 11 in the course of a few weeks.  He also started “seeing” Louis in places where he knew he wasn’t-like his office and the Tube-which hadn’t happened in quite some time.  Maybe Dr. Carl was right about Harry’s “visions”? Maybe “seeing Louis” meant his life was devolving into a giant shit storm and that Harry needed to deal with his problems rather than run away from them?

After a few weeks of sheer insanity-where Harry had spent more time alone in his own bed than he had since he met Louis-Louis had to take his mum home for an entire week.  Harry took that as an opportunity to work absolutely non-stop as he attempted to shut out the world and focus on himself. Which left no room for Louis at all but Harry was too busy for anything but work. 

They were drifting apart-at least Harry thought they were-but right now, he didn’t have time to care.

When Louis returned to London, he texted Harry: I’m home.

No response.

Then: stop by here when you’re done

Finally: Going to bed xx

Harry replied simply: Ok

Then returned to work.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get bad and sad...

An hour later he heard a voice softly, gently and sweetly whisper his name: “Harry” Louis was standing at his door, holding a take away bag, and he looked a wreck: bright blue eyes now dark, bags under his eyes, skin sallow, sad and withdrawn look on his face. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. Which maybe he hadn’t?

FUCK

When he said his name, it was as if something snapped inside Harry that brought him back to reality, the one where he was in love with Louis, not the one where Harry was an emotionally unavailable workaholic who didn’t give a damn about anyone but himself.

All of a sudden, Harry again felt

ALIVE

And

CONNECTED

And

LOVED

Harry didn’t say a word, just got up from his desk and wrapped himself around Louis who pressed his face into Harry’s chest and cried softly.

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK

Harry’s life was caving in around him-AGAIN-and being the selfish prat that he was, he ignored those who mattered to him-like Louis, especially Louis-and shut out the world. He was a shitty human being and why Louis stayed with him was beyond his comprehension.

“Louis,” Harry said softly, running his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

And he meant it. Sorry for being a selfish git and ignoring Louis and his needs. Sorry for thinking his life was more important than Louis’. Sorry for, well, just everything.

Louis cried harder and pulled Harry closer as Harry sat down on the small couch in his office; Louis lay down in his lap, tears still falling. Minutes went by, the only sounds in the room were Louis crying and the clock ticking.

Harry assumed Louis was crying because of Harry ignoring him and because Harry was sure they were drifting apart.  However, finally, Louis said “Harry, she’s dying” then continued sobbing.

“Oh god, Louis,” Harry whimpered pulling him up to his lap so he could hug him tightly. Louis cried and Harry cried with him; and Harry _never_ cried. But this was LOUIS and Harry could actually feel his emotional pain and it hurt like hell.  But at least he was _feeling_ _something_ for another person: LOUIS.

Harry pressed soft feathery kisses to Louis’ face and his tears started to slow; Louis wiped his eyes and kissed Harry gently on the lips and said:

“I’m sorry.”

“Louis what are you talking about? You’ve nothing to be sorry about,” Harry chided him.

Louis shook his head. “No, I’ve been so focused on me mum and me life at your expense and that’s not fair to you. I love you and there shouldn’t be a separation between my life and yours; it should be you as a _part_ of my life.”

Harry sat gobsmacked, staring at Louis.

“Harry, say something, you’re making me nervous,” Louis teased.

“Louis, I….didn’t you notice me working more lately?” Harry asked.

Louis shrugged “yeah but I just figured you had lots of work to do.”

“You weren’t _mad_?”

“No, besides I was wrapped up in my own problems,” he admitted.

“Louis let me tell you something just for future reference: when I work a lot, it means the rest of my life is going to shit. You were right about me as always: I work so I don’t have to deal with the world,” Harry said.

He continued, “so _I’m sorry_ for being so wrapped up in my life that I completely ignored you and your needs. And I’m sorry about your mum,” he said softly.

Louis caressed his face, “thank you, love. It sounds like we were both selfish arses lately.”

“No. _I_ was a selfish arse, you were being a kind and devoted son. Nothing wrong with that,” Harry explained.

“I guess,” Louis said. “Well, if you felt neglected at all then I want to apologize for that.”

“I didn’t. I promise,” Harry assured him.

  Louis looked completely and utterly exhausted and Harry knew he had to take him home, pronto. “How did you get here?” Harry asked.

“The Tube,” Louis replied. “Why?”

“Same. That’s like a 20 minute ride and a 10 minute walk,” Harry mumbled to himself as Louis cocked his eyebrow at him. “Look, babe, I’m taking you home and tucking you into bed. But lemme call this car service that will be here ASAP.”

“No, Harry it’s fine, I’ll just take the Tube home and you can just come back when you’re done here,” Louis begged.

Harry put his hand up firmly as if he wasn’t taking any other answer than “okay” so Louis just shrugged.

“They’re on-call for us 24/7 & I think Jack uses them all the time for his trysts with his girlfriend,” Harry said absentmindedly scrolling thru his phone to find the number. “Here!” he exclaimed then dialed the number and told the driver where to meet him.

“They’ll be here in five minutes. Now, let’s take this curry and we can heat it up when we get hom-uh, to your place,” Harry said directly as he scurried around gathering what he needed.

He draped his arm around Louis’ shoulders and helped him walk to the elevator and into the lobby to wait. When the car service arrived shortly, the driver gave Harry a funny look because he looked like he was helping a wounded soldier off the battlefield:  Harry was literally holding Louis upright. He tucked Louis into the car then slid in beside him and returned his arm around his shoulders.  Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and mumbled “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, babe,” Harry said, pressing a kiss to Louis’ fringe.

“But I thought you had work to keep you company,” Louis said teasingly.

Harry sighed. “Yeah but work doesn’t keep me warm at night. Work doesn’t” and he paused. “Make me feel the way you do: alive, connected and _happy_. I’m not in love with work the way I am with you.”

Louis squeezed him tighter and Harry felt better than he had in weeks.

When they got to Louis’ flat, Harry changed him out of his clothes and into trackies and a sweatshirt then literally tucked him into bed; he went into the kitchen to reheat the curry then put it on a plate and took it into the bedroom.  Louis protested, but Harry insisted on feeding it to him; after they finished, Harry pulled Louis out of bed and tried to brush his teeth for him. “Harry, I’m not an invalid,” Louis snarked and Harry relented as he ran to change into something more comfortable.  He pulled Louis into his side and walked him back into the bedroom where they both slid into bed, Louis curling himself into a ball and tucking his head into Harry’s shoulder.  Harry rubbed his back and pressed kisses to his head as Louis drifted off to sleep within minutes.

Now it was Harry’s turn to cry: for being a selfish twat and ignoring the one person who meant the world to him during a time when Louis really needed him. Harry was so in love with Louis that he was willing to set everything aside to take care of him, and now he needed to _show_ Louis that and stop being such a selfish prat.

He woke up to Louis gently kissing his lips saying softly, “good morning, love” and Harry pulled him in for a hug.  “Hiiiiiii,” he whispered. “Feeling any better?” he asked and Louis nodded. Then he shook his head and Harry saw tears start forming in his eyes.

“Shhh, c’mere,” Harry said rubbing his back. “It’s okay. Are you hungry? I can run to the bakery down the street and get us some brekkie.” Louis nodded softly so Harry lept out of bed to get Louis something to eat.  When he returned, Louis was sat at the table with a cup of tea in his hands sipping it quietly. “Here, babe, I got all kinds, didn’t know what you liked,” Harry said hurriedly, putting all the goodies on a plate.  Louis managed a meager smile and said “thanks,” as Harry sat down to eat. 

They ate in silence until Louis said “they’re giving her six months, Harry” and choked back a sob.

Harry grabbed his hand across the table and said “Oh, Louis, I’m so sorry. There’s nothing they can do?”

Louis shook his head. “The experimental treatments were working for a while but then the cancer came back and now it’s in her lungs.  She’s gonna continue to have chemo just to help with her pain level. But no, nothing.”

“Fuck, Louis, I…” Harry honestly didn’t know what to say so he pulled him up from the table and wrapped him up in a hug. “I love you,” he whispered as Louis cried into his chest.

They spent the rest of the day like that: Louis curled up into Harry, alternating crying with talking occasionally, but Harry never left his side.  Around mid-afternoon, Louis asked “Harry, it’s Saturday, aren’t you going to go to work?”

“No. You need me right now, babe. Work can wait,” Harry replied. And he meant it.

Louis squeezed him and said “thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Louis. So much,” Harry replied.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are good-for now :D

A few weeks later, Harry said “Louis, I’ve never said this either but: I’d like for you to meet my mum.  But would it be weird if I invited my mum _here_ to meet you and your mum?”

“I’d love to meet your mum, but why would it be weird for her to come here to meet us?” Louis asked and Harry shrugged. “I dunno, like I said I’ve never done this before. Do you think your mum is up for it?”

“Of course, she would love that. You know she thinks the world of you, right?” Louis asked, kissing his nose.  Harry blushed, “okay. And no I didn’t. But thanks.” No one had ever “thought the world” of Harry Styles….

He called his mum to ask her to come to London that weekend for a visit.

“Harry! Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yes, why?”

“Because you rarely call me and you’ve _never_ invited me to London,” she remarked.

He was a shitty son for sure. “I know, mum, and I’m sorry about both of those. But do you think you, Gem and the kids could come down Saturday and stay at my place? There’s someone I want you to meet,” he explained.

“Harry Edward Styles, let me get this straight: you’re asking ME and your sister to come to London, stay with you AND meet your ‘special someone’?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes,” he said sheepishly.

“Aces! Let me talk to Gems and see if she’s working and I’ll let you know,” she finished then hung up the phone.

Harry vowed to be a better son in the future.

They arranged to meet Louis and Jay for dinner; Harry was more nervous than he’d ever been in his life. He just hoped his mum behaved herself and didn’t act like a complete loon. Because this was _LOUIS_.

Louis looked stunning, dressed neatly in khakis and a blue oxford that emphasized his baby blue eyes. Harry kissed his cheek and whispered “love you” before he turned around and said “Mum and Gems, this is Louis.”

“Hi, Louis Tomlinson,” he said, shaking hands with both of them. “Anne, Gemma,” they replied.

Then Harry introduced his niece and nephew. “Hey monkeys, can you say hi to Louis?” he asked and they nodded. “Hi, Louis” they said in unison and they all laughed. “That’s Jake and Olivia, Gemma’s kids” Harry explained as Louis bent down to shake their hands and gave them each a lollipop. “Better save that til after dinner, kay?” he said winking at them as the kids giggled.

“Come on, me mum is at the table already,” Louis said, grabbing Harry’s hand to lead them into the restaurant, and Harry was pretty sure he blushed.  Jay looked gorgeous, if a bit tired; her face broke into a smile when she saw them.  “Harry!” she exclaimed as he walked over to hug her and kiss her cheek. “So good to see you!”

“You too, Jay. This is my mum, Anne, my sister, Gemma and my niece and nephew Olivia and Jake,” Harry explained.

“Hi! So lovely to meet all of you!” she said shaking their hands as they all sat down.

Harry was pretty sure he held his breath for most of the meal, anxious about what would happen.

However, it turns out he had nothing to be worried about because Anne and Jay got on like a house on fire. Turns out they had a mutual friend and talked the entire time about their friend and their lives and their kids, as if Harry, Gemma and Louis weren’t sitting at the table.  Harry and Gemma spent most of the meal with their eyebrows raised and a “WTF?” look on their faces because this was not the Anne they knew.  That Anne talked over everyone, never letting anyone get a word in edgewise, and always talked about herself. She was usually completely uninterested in other people’s lives or issues; but Jay was different.  She seemed engaged and concerned and acted like she enjoyed Jay’s company.  It was weird, if rather nice to see.  Since Anne and Jay had their own convo going, the rest luckily had plenty to talk about too.  Anne didn’t say anything embarrassing or ask any weird questions of Louis or his mum, thank goodness.  After Louis paid the bill-at his insistence-and Harry promised the kids ice cream, Louis and Jay left to go back to his place so she could go to sleep. “Harry, I’ll get her settled then stop by okay?” he asked and Harry nodded.

“That would be lovely, dahling,” Anne remarked. “I’d love to talk to you over a glass of wine or two,” and Harry was pretty sure Louis blushed.

About an hour later, the kids were plied with ice cream and tucked into bed, while the adults sat in Harry’s lounge over a bottle of merlot.  “So Louis, you live close by?” Anne asked.

“Yeah, only a five minute tube ride,” he replied.

“You live five minutes from each other and didn’t meet until recently?” Anne exclaimed.

Harry almost choked on his wine. “Something like that,” he mumbled and Louis shot him a weird look. 

Louis told Anne and Gemma his entire life story; he was an open book for them to peruse, telling them everything from how he met Harry to his mum’s illness to how Harry almost messed things up between them.  Anne yelled at Harry during that discussion, which he absolutely deserved.

Louis got up to leave and said goodbye to Anne and Gemma; Harry walked him to the door. “I’d ask you to stay but I don’t think the kids would understand why you’d still be here in the morning,” Harry said teasingly.

Louis waved his hand “psh, no matter, Harry. Mum wants me to come home anyway,” he said then stood on his tiptoes and pressed a sweet, soft kiss to Harry’s lips.

“Love you,” he breathed out and cheekily squeezed Harry’s bum.

“Menace,” Harry teased, crashing his lips into Louis’ and pushing him against the wall. He wanted him so badly right then and there, wanted to show him how much he meant to him, but…

Both of their dicks were hard and rubbing together as Louis whispered “babe, I gotta go,” and Harry let out a whimper. “Grrrrrr,” Harry mumbled. “What time does your mum leave tomorrow?” Harry asked between kisses.

“Her friend’s picking her up around noon,” Louis replied, dragging his teeth over Harry’s earlobe.

“I’ll be there at 12:05,” Harry promised and Louis squeezed his bum again in reply.

“Promise?”  Louis asked, grinding his hips into Harry.

“Yes,” Harry replied.

And he kept his promise.

A few weeks later as they were enjoying a post-coital cuddle, Louis said “so apparently our mums are now BFFs.”

“Huh?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, apparently they exchanged phone numbers when they met and your mum brought mine a lasagna the other day and stayed for a visit,” Louis explained.

“Whoa. Wait a minute,” Harry said, sitting up on his elbow to face Louis. “So, _my mum_ -Anne, tall, dark hair, green eyes, says ‘dahling’ a lot-drove an hour and a half from Cheshire to Donny to bring _your mum_ dinner?” he asked incredulously.

“Apparently!” Louis exclaimed.

“Louis, I honestly don’t think she would even do that for me!” Harry observed.

 Louis twisted his nipple in response. “Yes she would, you twat,” he muttered. “And she even offered to take her to her next appointment.”

“I’m literally gobsmacked,” Harry replied. “Maybe my mum is nicer than I give her credit for,” he mused.

Louis looked at him quizzically. “I think your mum is lovely,” and Harry rolled his eyes in response.

“You don’t know her like I do,” Harry reminded Louis.

Now Louis said “I think you’re too hard on her, Harry. Yeah she’s a bit quirky, but you’re quirky too. And she’s the only mum you’ve got or will ever have.”

Wow, maybe Louis was right?

Also, “I’m ‘QUIRKY’?!” Harry exclaimed.

“Hmm, a bit,” Louis agreed. “But that’s why I love you. Your ears are quirky too but your curls cover them,” he cooed.

Harry busted out laughing. “How did we go from talking about my mum to talking about my ears?”

Louis shrugged, “I dunno. Now kiss me, you fool!”

So Harry did….


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry _finally_ tells Louis....

The next few months followed a simple pattern: when Louis was in Donny with his mum, Harry worked late but talked to Louis every day. When Louis was in London, Harry was home every night by six and only worked half-a-day on Saturday and no Sundays.  This was Harry’s choice, not Louis’ demands, however, and Harry was happy to cut back on working to spend time with Louis.  However, Jay was not improving and soon Louis had to make arrangements for hospice care for her in Doncaster. 

“Harry, please go with me,” Louis asked one night before he left.  “I’ll be gone at least a week, though, I know you have to work, but I thought maybe you could take some time off?”

Yes, yes he could. Because this was LOUIS.

“Of course. I might have to take some work with me but I’d love to go,” Harry admitted and Louis hugged him tightly.

One morning, Louis had left to meet with the doctors and hospice coordinators so Harry ate breakfast with Jay; she looked extremely tired and her body was wasting away, the cancer taking its toll.  They were making small talk when Jay said his name very seriously:

“Harry.”

“Yes, ma’am?” he asked.

“I need you to promise me something,” she started.

OH GOD.

“Sure, Jay, anything,” he replied tentatively.

“When I’m gone, please take care of my Louis,” she said, tears gently streaming down her face.

“Jay, I, let’s not talk about,” Harry stammered.

She squeezed his hand. “Harry he loves you so much and he tries to be strong for me but inside I know he’s scared. He’s so, so scared about what the future holds. But I know that if you’re there for him, then he can handle anything. Please promise me,” she was practically begging.

This was wayyyy out of Harry’s league; this went beyond emotional breakdowns into promising a dying woman he would “take care” of her son.  Yet Harry didn’t flinch, didn’t even think about running away or saying “no”.

“Of course, Jay. I’d do anything for you and Louis. I love you both very much,” he replied and she hugged him tightly.

She dried her tears as Harry excused himself from the table and retreated to his room.  “That was intense,” Harry thought.  But he said what he meant to Jay; now he just had to tell Louis.

Louis returned early afternoon and made lunch for everyone; then he took Harry on a tour of Doncaster; “there’s not much to see but I’ll show you me old haunts,” he promised, tossing a football up in his hands.  After seeing his schools and favorite bars, they ended up at a park in the middle of town and played a quick game of football.  Harry sucked at sports so Louis beat him handily, though Harry didn’t mind because he got to watch Louis’ cute bum run around the pitch.  They both collapsed on a park bench and dug into the water and snacks Louis brought with him.  Louis had been talking and laughing the whole time but now he got very serious.

“Me mum used to bring me here when I was a kid. She didn’t know how to play footie but she’d kick around with me and we had a blast,” he mused.  “Guess that’s where me love of footie came from.”

Harry grabbed his hand, “that’s a lovely memory, Louis. She’s an amazing mother,” he admitted.

“She, uh, talked to me today,” he said as Louis raised an eyebrow at him.

“About what?” Louis asked.

“You,” Harry said simply.

“Oh gosh. Did she regale you with stories of when I shaved me head?” he wondered.

Harry shook his head. “No. It was a much more serious conversation than that.”

Now Louis was staring at Harry. “What did she say?” he asked intensely.

“She made me promise that I would take care of you, um, after she’s gone,” Harry said softly.

“What did you say?” Louis asked, voice trembling.

“I told her I would, of course. If you’ll let me,” he finished teasingly.

Louis launched himself at Harry’s chest, pushing him down onto the bench and kissing him, tears falling on Harry’s face. “Of course I’ll let you, you big lug,” Louis said quickly and Harry laughed.  They sat up on the bench, Harry pulling Louis into his side and sitting against the arm of the bench.

It was time to tell Louis.

He _had to_.

 _Right now_.

“Louis, did I ever tell you about Eric? The guy who I said ‘looked like you’?” Harry began.

Louis squeezed his arm. “No, but I’d love to hear about him.”

Harry sighed heavily and told him the whole sordid tale, gently stroking Louis’ sweaty fringe as he lay in his lap: his smoking addiction, hypnotherapy, then “seeing” Eric/Louis both when he was under hypnosis and when awake.  How Harry thought he was literally losing his mind and when he saw Louis in his conference room, he almost fainted because he _was_ Eric. 

Louis listened intently as Harry searched his face for a reaction but got none, at least not yet so he continued.  He explained how hypnosis can “rewire” your brain to be more open to positive feedback and that helped him stop smoking but it also brought Eric/Louis to the forefront of his vision. The doctor said that perceptions can be manipulated by expectation and he said it was “impossible” for Louis to be real; that he merely represented something-or someone-Harry wanted or needed in his life.   The doctor reminded Harry that “what you see is not always what you get” so even though he “saw” Louis it wasn’t actually the real thing.  But once he met Louis, his “visions” declined but then they increased as Harry’s stress level increased, as if fake Louis represented Harry’s conscious.  “But, hypnotherapy can be used as a tool to make positive, healing, and constructive change by recreating perception and learning new, helpful, ways to think thus, creating a better future,” Harry explained.  “Which I think is what was happening with me.”

“So even though I was actually around, you still ‘saw’ me in other places?” Louis asked.

“Yes. Like the day after I was, uh, a dick to you at the club and went to Cheshire the next day, I ‘saw’ you at the train station,” Harry admitted.

“Wow,” Louis said.  “Have you seen him, uh, me, much since we’ve been together?” he asked.

“No, not really. Except when you were gone that one time and I was working like a dog on the Johnson case; I was so involved and intense on work that I ignored you. Then the fake you started showing up again,” Harry admitted.

“Louis I promise I’m not a complete nutter and that what I’m telling you is 100% true,” Harry said quickly.

“I know, babe. Continue. What do you think is the reason behind all of this?” Louis asked.

“Well,” Harry thought, thankful Louis didn’t want to commit him to the nut house. “I think…I don’t know what to think if I’m being honest. I think the whole thing is fucking bizarre.”

Louis laughed. “Come on, you have to have an opinion on it!” he prodded.

“Are you my shrink?” Harry asked teasingly which caused Louis to pinch his arm. “Ow! Okay, with hypnotherapy, things are interpreted according to one's perception and experiences.  I think you were always there in my subconscious, just waiting for me to find you. So, I think that initially my visions represented my mind telling me to ‘look beyond what I see’ that there’s a life out there, beyond work and my own selfish needs that I should explore. Then after we met I think they were my mind’s way of telling me to get my head outta my arse and to appreciate the good things present in my life. Which is you,” he mused.

“Hmmm, that’s an interesting theory,” Louis mused.  “It makes sense, actually. I mean people stuck in the desert have visions of water, so why couldn’t you have visions of something you desired, like me?”

“Are you saying I was thirsty for you, Louis?” Harry teased.

Louis smiled and nodded, “I quenched your thirst, of course,” he said.

“So when I stumbled into that conference room and dropped my tea onto Niall-the moment you say you fell in love with me-was one of the most bizarre moments of my life. Literally,” Harry admitted.  “I was sure I was either in a dream or losing my bloody mind. Or both.”

Harry continued to stroke Louis’ fringe; Louis stayed silent for a few minutes then he slowly started laughing and soon it turned into a full-on belly laugh.

“Louis, what’s so funny?” Harry asked flatly, which just made Louis laugh harder so that tears were now running down his face.

Harry was two seconds from rolling him off the bench when Louis wiped the tears off his face and said “I can’t believe I fell in love with your giant giraffe ass when you didn’t know if I was real or a ghost!” Louis cackled. 

Now Harry did dump him off his lap and he fell gently onto his hands and knees. “Twat,” Harry muttered as Louis continued to laugh.  Louis climbed back up onto the bench and tried to pull Harry in for a kiss but he swung his head away at the last minute. Harry couldn’t keep a straight face as he said “I’m not kissing you until you stop laughing,” then _he_ started laughing.

“It is pretty funny if you think about it,” Harry remarked which turned Louis into a giggling mess again.

“Can you imagine if I’d told you this when I first met you?” Harry asked.

Louis doubled over laughing then rolled on his back and put his legs in the air; he looked like a dead bug if Harry was being honest.

“You would’ve thought I was a complete nutter,” Harry said; Louis nodded, still laughing.

He finally calmed down and wiped the tears from his face saying “no, I would’ve KNOWN you were a complete nutter.”

“This is true,” Harry said, devolving into laughter.

Then Louis got very serious and said “so we were meant to be thanks to a twist of fate?”

“Absolutely,” Harry agreed.

“And you losing your marbles,” Louis teased as Harry tickled his side in response.

“But I lost my marbles over you,” Harry said determinedly.

“Mmm, good,” Louis said kissing him. “Now, let’s go home, my adorable nutter.”

“Ok, twat,” Harry teased, giving Louis a piggy back ride back to the car.  He had to admit it was nice to see Louis smiling and laughing, even if he was doing those things at Harry’s crazy story.  Louis took the “news” of Harry’s hypnosis well-better than Harry expected to be honest, thank goodness.  He guessed that’s what true love is: accepting your partner, one weird hypnosis story at a time….

Harry left a few days later to return to London but Louis stayed to spend time with his mum; Harry’s work started to get really intense but he tried to keep it in perspective, even while Louis was gone.  Once Louis returned, he was tired and dejected and depressed about his mum, so Harry started dialing back his work hours to spend time with Louis.  So instead of working 80 hours a week, Harry worked 60 but apparently that still wasn’t enough for his bosses.  One day, Jack called him into his office and said “Harry I asked you for the Johnson case update report two days ago. And I still don’t have it.”

Harry sighed because he was about thirty minutes away from finishing that, if he could get out of Jack’s office to do so. “I know and I apologize. But you’ll get it today,” Harry promised.

“I hope so. It seems that your personal life is taking over your professional one lately,” Jack observed.

“I’m not sure what you mean; I work sixty hours a week. I’m here every morning by 6:30 am. What more do you want from me?” Harry asked.

“If you want to make partner in five years, I want _a lot_ more from you,” Jack told him.

Now Harry was annoyed and angry but all he said was “Okay. I’ll have that report to you after lunch,” then left Jack’s office.

 He gave him the damn report just like he promised then when he got home, he ranted and raved to Louis about how pissed off he was over what Jack said to him.  “What a fucking prick! How much more can I give to this damn company? A pound of flesh? My first born? A pint of blood?” Harry yelled.

Louis sat there calmly watching Harry pace around like a lunatic.  When Harry paused, Louis said:

“So quit.”

WHAT??

“Huh?” Harry asked.

“They treat you like shit, they don’t appreciate what you do, they demand a ridiculous amount of your time. Life’s too short for bullshit, Harry. So quit,” Louis replied firmly.

“Louis I can’t quit my job!” Harry exclaimed.

“Calm down, Curly,” Louis chided and Harry took a breath. “How much money do you have in the bank? And your 401K?”

“Uh, a lot. Millions in both,” Harry said cautiously.

“So you could live off that for a while til you found another job, something less stressful,” Louis suggested.

“Louis I’ve never quit anything in my life. I’ve never not worked in almost ten years. _I can’t_ ,” Harry said firmly.

Louis shrugged. “Okay, it was just a suggestion. There’s more to life than work, right?”

“Of course,” Harry agreed.

Harry couldn’t get Louis’ words out of his mind; maybe he was right?

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get very, very, very sad :(

As Jay got progressively worse, Louis spent more time in Doncaster, with Harry taking most Friday afternoons off to join him up north.  He even visited with his family, and his mum confirmed the divorce would be final soon and that his dad still had no knowledge of her “nest egg”.  He was so proud of his mum and he told her as much, because life’s too short to not tell people how you feel.

A few months later, Jay was nearing the end of her life so Louis rushed back home and Harry met him Friday evening.  It was as if Jay held on until Harry arrived and said his final goodbyes and reiterated his promise to her; she passed away Saturday morning.  Louis wailed and flung his body over Jay’s laying on the bed; Harry had never heard a sound like that and it frightened him at the depth of emotions that Louis was experiencing. When Louis sat back, Harry pulled him to his side and led him from the room as the hospice nurses took over.  Harry sat him down on his childhood bed and literally held him while he had an emotional breakdown. Crying and crying for _hours_ but Harry never moved, never even thought to move because Louis needed him right now, more than ever.

Finally he said “Louis, love, I need to call my mum and tell her about the funeral arrangements for tomorrow. I know she will want to come,” and Louis nodded and sniffled.

“Harry I’m sorry,” he said.

“Louis, no,” Harry started to say.

“I’m sorry I’m such a wreck right now, I know these types of things are hard for you,” he said softly.

Harry tipped his chin up to look him in the eyes and said, “Louis, I love you and you need me right now and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. This is the ‘new Harry’ the one who’s in love with you and is here for you.” He gently pressed a warm kiss to Louis tear-stained lips. “I’ll be right back, gonna call my mum,” he finished then walked out of the bedroom.

When he returned, Louis was curled up into the fetal position and Harry wasn’t sure if he was awake or asleep so he slid in behind him to spoon him; Louis responded by grabbing Harry’s arm and pulling it around his waist so he was totally enveloped by Harry.  “I like being in your arms,” Louis said softly.  “They make me feel safe.”  Harry replied: “these arms were made for holding you, love.”  And they stayed like that for the rest of the day.

Anne and Gemma came by the house before the funeral service the next day with armloads of food; Harry was pretty sure she’d never cooked that much before in her life.  “Didn’t want you boys to be hungry,” his mum said “so I brought lots of food.”

“Thanks, mum, that was really nice of you to do,” Harry replied hugging her.

“You’re welcome. How’s Louis holding up?” she asked.

“Not well. He just goes to the doorway of her bedroom and stares in there until I come and pull him away.  I feel so badly for him,” Harry told her.

“Poor poppet,” she said. “I’ll go talk to him.”

While Louis talked to Anne, Harry called Jack to tell him he needed to take a week’s vacation to be with Louis.  “Harry, I don’t like this. I mean it’s not even your mother who died so why do you need a week off?” he said.

“Because I need to be here for Louis. And I have plenty of vacation time to use, so what’s the big deal?” Harry stated.

“The ‘big deal’ is that we are smack in the middle of this bloody Johnson case, Harry! You can’t just leave!” Jack exclaimed.

Harry steadied his voice: “and that’s why Niall and Zayn are there and are fully briefed on the case. They can handle things while I’m gone.”

“Alright, fine, Harry,” Jack said snarkily. “But don’t let this happen again!” and he hung up the phone.

He didn’t have time for this bullshit, not when Louis was grieving his mum’s passing. “UGH!” he exclaimed, throwing his phone on the table and leaving it there to find Louis.   At the visitation and funeral, Harry was Louis’ shadow always by his side, rubbing his back, holding his hand, hugging him.  Anne came to both and Harry realized that she was there because she wanted to be there, to show respect to her friends, Jay-and Louis-not to impress people or because it would “look good”. Maybe she _was_ nice and lovely, like Louis said?

Louis gave an emotional and heartfelt eulogy at Jay’s funeral that had everyone in tears; no one could ever doubt the love he had for his mum.  After the funeral, Harry practically had to carry Louis to the car because he broke down at the grave site; when they got into the limo, Louis buried his head in Harry’s shoulder and cried. And cried. And cried.  Harry even cried with him.

They spent the next few days packing up the house because Louis was going to sell it as soon as he could; Louis met with lawyers about settling her will and estate.  She didn’t have much but it all went to Louis, even though he didn’t need it.  The proceeds from the sale of her house would be donated to breast cancer research at Louis’ insistence and he established a fund in her name.  By Wednesday, Harry suggested they drive to Cheshire for a quick visit and Louis agreed so they set off for his mum’s house.  Harry showed Louis around and they even got in a quick game of football again. And Harry lost. Again. But Louis smiled for the first time in four days so Harry didn’t care too much about losing.  He took him to his grandparent’s bakery where they talked about how Harry used to eat all the “mistakes” that were lying around; he worked there in the summers during school. 

By the time they arrived at Anne’s, dinner was on the table and Stephen, Gemma and the kids were anxiously awaiting them.  Everyone hugged Louis and asked if he was okay-he said he was but he lied-then they settled in for a lovely supper.  The kids told a silly story about how their bunny escaped and Stephen had to rescue it before it was eaten by the neighbor’s dog, which made Louis laugh.  Louis seemed relaxed for the first time in quite some time and Harry was thankful for that.  After dinner, they said their goodbyes and started the drive back to Doncaster when Harry’s phone rang.

“Ugh, it’s Jack from work, I really shouldn’t answer this,” Harry mused but then he answered it saying “hello, Jack.”

Jack dispensed with the formalities of a “hello” and went straight into “Harry you must come back to work tomorrow.”

“Um, Jack, I’m on vacation and will be back Monday. What’s the problem?” Harry asked.

“The shit is hitting the fan on this Johnson case is the problem, Harry,” he said angrily.

“Niall and Zayn can handle things. I’ll be back soon. Is there anything I can do from here?” Harry said trying to compromise with him.

“No. You have to be here to deal with this issue, Harry,” Jack demanded.

“Well, Jack, I’m NOT THERE, so you’ll have to deal with it,” Harry stated, anger rising in his throat.

“Why are you taking a vacation in Doncaster anyway? Who’s this guy? Knowing you he’s no one special. So what’s the big deal if you cut your trip short and come home?” he asked.

Now Harry was pissed. “Look, Jack, it’s none of your god damned business why I’m vacationing in Doncaster-“ when Harry said that word, Louis’ eyebrows shot up –“and the person I’m with right now is very special to me for your information which is WHY I’M NOT COMING HOME UNTIL MONDAY!” he yelled into the phone.

“Fucking hell, Harry, if you’re not here by 8 am tomorrow to deal with this bullshit, you’re fired. And I mean it this time,” Jack threatened.

“You know what? Fuck you. I quit!” Harry yelled “I’ll be in Monday to get my stuff,” he finished and hung up the phone.

Louis had a surprised look on his face and he looked like he’d seen a ghost.  “Harry, you, you just quit your job,” he said softly.

Harry grabbed his hand. “I know, fuck them. Life’s too short to deal with bullshit, right?” and Louis nodded.

“Are you feeling okay?” Louis asked gently.

“I feel fine, Louis. You’re more important to me that that ridiculous job,” Harry said, kissing Louis’ hand.  They drove the rest of the way in silence, Harry wondering what in the hell he’d just done but feeling pretty good about it.

By Saturday afternoon, they had almost everything in boxes and Louis had what he wanted to keep; the rest was going into storage so they could sell the house.  Louis’ aunt hired a moving company to take the boxes to storage so Louis said “Harry, there’s nothing left for us to do here, why don’t we go back to London? I need a change of scenery.”

“Sure, babe, whatever you want to do,” Harry agreed so they started driving back to the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this got really sad but Harry had to experience the deepest depths of human emotion-the loss of a loved one-to understand how important Louis is to him...it will get happy in the next chapter, I promise!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry explains to-and shows-Louis how he truly feels about him!

When they arrived at Harry’s place, they dumped their stuff in the foyer and Harry flopped on the couch, head back, covering his eyes with his arm.  Louis excused himself to use the loo as the realization of quitting his job finally hit Harry. “What the fuck am I gonna do?” he mumbled to himself. “I’m such a fuck up,” he said out loud then he heard Louis say softly “no you’re not,” as he crawled onto his chest and wrapped his arms around his waist.

Harry chuckled and said “thank you, babe.”

“I think I’m like your baby koala-what are they called? Joeys?,” Louis mused, “because I’ve spent the majority of this week clung tightly to your chest.”

“Ha!” Harry laughed. “So I should start calling you ‘Joey’ instead of ‘Louis’?” he asked, rubbing his back and Louis smiled.  “It’s nice to see you smile, Lou,” Harry observed.

“Thank you, Harry. For everything,” Louis said seriously.  “I couldn’t have made it through this week without you beside me. I know dealing with these kinds of emotions isn’t usually your ‘thing’ but it meant a lot that you were there.”

“Babe, look at me,” Harry said and Louis tipped his chin up onto Harry’s chest. “I wouldn’t have been anywhere else this week. Hell, I quit my job to stay with you because you _needed me_ and I _wanted_ to be there.  Before I met you, yes, there’s no way on God’s green earth I would’ve gone to my boyfriend’s mother’s funeral because it would’ve been ‘too much’ for _me_ to handle. But with you, it’s different; you make me _feel_ the world around me. And sometimes those feelings are happy and sometimes they’re very, very sad but at least I’m _feeling_.  I used to put up walls around me so I didn’t have to deal with the world at all because even positive emotions were too painful for me to process.  I didn’t _want_ to feel or experience love because it never worked out; I would put my heart out there only to have it crushed so what was the point?  But you? I’ve given you my heart and you’ve taken care of it, you’ve loved me back in ways I never thought possible.  People fall in love in mysterious ways and the way I fell in love with you was definitely one of the strangest and most mysterious ones ever, but it’s with _you_ and that’s all that matters.” 

Harry saw Louis sigh as his tears filled with tears again. “I love you so much,” he said simply, linking his hands with Harry’s and laying his head onto Harry’s chest. “Are you going to make good on your promise to me mum?” he asked.

“Of course, a promise is a promise.  And wherever you are is the place I belong, whether that’s in Doncaster for your mum’s funeral or in London for tea with the Queen.” Harry assured him.

“Good,” Louis said simply. “Now what are you going to do about your job?”

“Fuck if I know,” Harry replied. “Gonna have to sell this flat for sure then find something. Not sure if I want to be a lawyer, though.”

“Maybe you could be a writer like you always wanted?” Louis asked.

“Hmm, maybe? I don’t know,” Harry replied, stroking his fingers through Louis’ fringe.

“You did the right thing,” Louis said, giving him a squeeze. “It is what it is, right?”

Harry laughed, “of course.  Baby, can I kiss you?” Harry asked. They hadn’t been intimate in weeks-which was fine considering the circumstances-and Harry had no assumption that they would that night but he just wanted to touch Louis’ lips with his own. He wanted to be _close to him_.

Louis didn’t say a word, just crawled up Harry’s chest to press his lips to his; “mmm, I missed you, baby,” Louis moaned into the kiss. “I’m so sorry I’ve been neglecting you.”

Harry pulled away from the kiss. “Louis don’t’ be ridiculous; you haven’t been neglecting me, I promise. Life’s been crazy for both of us, okay?” and Louis nodded then rested his head back on Harry’s chest.

“Can I tell you something?” Harry asked.

“Sure,” Louis replied.

“Remember a few weeks ago when I said I had to go to the doctor before I left for Doncaster?” and Louis nodded. “Well, I went and got, uh, tested for, uh, STDs and they called last week and said everything was negative.”

Louis looked at him, eyes wide in surprise “Harry, you did that for me?” he asked.

“Of course. So the next time, we, uh, are together, we don’t have to use condoms. If you want. No pressure,” Harry said.

In one move, Louis sat up on Harry’s lap and pulled him in for a deep kiss, hands raking through his curls. “Now,” was all he said. “Now, now, now.”

“Louis, are you sure?” Harry asked.

“Yes! I haven’t been with you in weeks, I want to feel all of you, be a part of you completely. Now.” Louis demanded.

Harry sat up, grabbed Louis’ bum and lifted both of them off the couch and carried him into the bedroom.  When he laid Louis down he whispered “god, I can’t wait to feel you, baby. Fill you up” and Louis moaned loudly.  Harry took his time, opening up Louis and sucking him off so by the time he was ready to enter him, Louis had already come twice.  As he slicked himself up and pressed his dick gently to Louis’ hole, Louis wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist and tilted his hips up.  Louis looked so gorgeous laying beneath Harry, his sweat-sheened body taught with desire, eyes anxious but excited for what’s to come. “I’m so nervous, baby,” Harry admitted, “I’ve thought about this for so long.”

“Harry,” was all Louis said, and it made Harry feel alive and connected and loved; so he gently pushed himself into Louis.

He felt so amazing that it was all Harry could do to not blow his load right then; he pulled back a bit then thrust in further.

For a few brief moments, he felt like he was completely a part of Louis, he could feel the blood pumping through his veins and sweat pouring out of his pores and his entire body thrumming with excitement and pleasure. They were one unit, one complete body and soul.  “God, baby, you feel so perfect. Better than I even imagined,” Harry whispered, rocking his hips into and out of Louis who grabbed Harry’s bum to guide him.

“So good, so good,” was all Louis could say as Harry started nipping at his neck and brushing kisses along his chest tattoo.  Louis reached down to touch himself and Harry thought he’d died and gone to heaven in that moment.  The physical feeling of being inside Louis-tight and warm and amazing-was nothing compared to the emotions Harry felt: pleasure, excitement, a connection, desire, _love_.

“Baby, you feel so good, I’m not gonna last long,” Harry whispered as Louis increased his pace on his dick. Louis licked his lips and said “come in me, baby. Want to feel all of you inside me, want you to be part of me right now.”

A few more deep thrusts and Harry came hard inside Louis as Louis came too; they both yelled “ahhhh!” at the same time as the rode out their orgasm.  When it stopped, they both lay there, sweaty and blissful and finally, fully, completely together.  Harry started crying softly and as tears fell on Louis’ shoulders he said “baby, are you okay?”

Harry nodded. “That was the most intensely beautiful experience of my life. I love you so much. Thank you.”

Louis kissed his cheek. “I love you too. Why are you thanking me?” he asked.

“Because you make me a better person. You make me feel emotions I’ve never felt before. And all of them are glorious,” Harry replied.

“You’re so sappy, Styles,” Louis teased, pinching his bum.

“Baby look what you’ve done to me,” Harry teased back, gently rolling off him and curling himself into Louis to sleep.

The next morning, Harry awoke to Louis kissing his cheek tenderly and saying “good morning my love”

“Hiiiiii,” Harry sighed. “I like waking up next to you.”

“Mmm, me too,” Louis said then he stopped kissing him and stared at Harry, eyes wide open. He said nothing, just stared for almost thirty seconds.

“Uh, Louis, can you say something? You’re making me anxious,” Harry finally said.

“Harry, move in with me,” Louis said quickly.

Harry didn’t have a job, a career or a source of income, didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, but he knew he wanted Louis to be a part of it. So he didn’t flinch or pause he just said:

“YES!”

~~~~~~~

A few months later, Harry sold his flat-to Niall no less “me and Jesy need a bigger place” he said, which whatever-and made a cool £250,000 on it and moved in with Louis.  He also sold both cars because “what kind of single guy owns _two_ cars?” Louis asked. And he had a point.  The two of them got along smashingly and Harry’s habit of walking around naked coincided nicely with Louis’ addiction to smothering Harry’s body with kisses. 

One day, shortly after Harry moved in, Louis asked: “Harry do you see the fake me, Eric, anymore? Now that we live together & your stress level is a lot less?”

Harry thought for a second, “Uh, no actually, I haven’t. But I think it’s because I’m under _your spell_ now,” he said.  “You’ve hypnotized me!”

“I think I have. It was easy, though because you’re quite receptive to me and what I want,” Louis teased, winking at him.

“Baby I’ll never leave if you keep holding me this way,” Harry said, kissing Louis.

 ~~~~~~ 

A few months after that, they were sat on the couch, Harry working on his first novel, Louis tending to business for his mum’s foundation, when Harry said suddenly:

“Louis, I did something. And I’m not sure you’ll like it”

Louis dropped the papers he was shuffling and slowly replied: “Harry. What. Did. You. Do?”

Harry sighed, “Well, I _think_ you’ll like it. I hope you will.”

“HARRY!” Louis yelled, anxious for him to tell him.

“Okay, okay!” Harry replied. “I, um, got my first tattoo today. Can I show you?”

Louis’ eyes got really big. “YES!”

So Harry took off his shirt and on his left chest over his heart was a large tattoo of a heart with a cursive “L” inside.

“Harry, what’s that on the side of the heart, near your arm? And what’s the L for?” Louis asked tentatively.

“That’s to match the scar tattoo that you got for your mum. And the L is for life, love, and you, Louis. To remind me that life is precious and beautiful and I should keep the people I love close to me at all times,” Harry explained.

Tears welled in Louis’ eyes as he gently-because the tattoo was still red and inflamed-pressed his hand over it and said “Harry, it’s beautiful. And lovely. Like you” and kissed him gently on the lips.

Harry blushed. “Thank you. Been thinking about it for a while and decided that since we live together that I should get it because, well, I…” and his voice trailed off.

“You, what, Harry?” Louis asked.

Harry sighed softly then explained: “I never want to lose you, Louis. I don’t want to fuck things up again and this tattoo is a constant reminder _not to_. I promised your mum that I would take care of you.  You’re the most important person in my life and that’s not going to change. Ever,” Harry said firmly.

“Ever?” Louis asked cautiously.

Harry nodded. “Ever.”

Louis put his face inches away from Harry’s and whispered “you know a tattoo is forever?”

Harry’s breath hitched as he nodded. “Permanent. And forever,” he replied.

“How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved,” Louis said, pressing in for a kiss.

Harry made sure to show him how bold he truly felt about Louis.

FOREVER

Link to [Harry's tattoo](http://straightguysdont.tumblr.com/post/104433858350/this-is-what-i-imagined-harrys-tattoo-to-look)

 

~~FIN~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **what Louis says at the end is a quote from Freud (thought it was appropriate in this setting** A million thank yous for reading this! You are amazing and beautiful & I love you!!!! xx

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr [x](http://straightguysdont2.tumblr.com/) and/or on twitter [x](https://twitter.com/1d_beards)  
> 


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